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Weighing In on HUGE

August 16, 2010 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Have you seen ABC Family’s latest summer blockbuster, HUGE? It’s the story of a group of teens at a weight loss camp, otherwise known as fat camp. When I first heard about it, I was intrigued, skeptical and disgusted all at the same time. Another show focusing on what is wrong with teens today and yet another blatant example of the media exploiting social issues to their advantage. Due to a regular Monday night commitment, I haven’t been home to watch it, but as I said, I was intrigued, so I had been taping it. Last week I sat down to a HUGE marathon and have to say, not only was I pleasantly surprised, I actually loved it.

HUGE is well written and the characters are engaging, interesting and so lovable - even though none of them would ever claim that to be true. There are so many layers to the premise of this show. Yes, it’s about body image and all that goes with that, but it is about so much more; relationships, mother/daughter dynamics, friendships, fitting in, brothers and sisters, fathers and daughters, addictions and 12 step recovery, surrender, spirituality, self-esteem, confidence, families, resentments, forgiveness, prayer, religion, affirmations, gratitude, divine guidance, sports, teamwork, leadership, trust and learning to speak the truth.

The ramifications of such a powerful show are, dare I say, HUGE! I can’t say that I’ve laughed out loud, but I have cried and have identified with so many of the raw emotions that these characters are dealing with. The main character, Will is played by Nikki Blonsky and she is so full of anger, resentment and resistance to change. She is afraid that if she gives in, she will be succumbing to society’s expectations of who she should be. She is caught between the message of self-acceptance and trying to swallow the implications of what that means in an environment that is forcing you to shrink to an acceptable size.

Jess Weiner, Global Ambassador for the Dove Self-Esteem Fund and teen girl advocate has been blogging about HUGE before it even aired and has created a weekly Conversation Guide for each episode. As a Hollywood insider and a voice for change, Jess has interviewed the creators and all the cast members. The writers, Savanah Dooley and Winnie Holzman along with Nikki Blonsky all said that they hope this series becomes more than a show about body image and that people will really resonate with the characters. I’d say that their focused intention has made manifest and together they have created a powerful vehicle for compassion and change. Just like The Cosby Show initially began as a show about a black family, or Will and Grace started out as a show about being gay, both of them became so much more and gave us the opportunity to see past the initial label. HUGE has the potential to be way more than just a show about overweight kids.

As a teen girl advocate myself, self-esteem and empowerment has been the theme of my work for the last fifteen years as well as the focus of my own healing journey for my entire life. I’m not working to fix anyone, but rather to help young women look within for their power, voice and truth. At first glance, HUGE may appear to be just another show about fixing what’s wrong with teens today, but after watching my HUGE marathon I am excited and filled with so much hope. Finally something good on TV that just might actually make a difference.

Definitely check out HUGE on Monday nights on ABC Family and also check out all the other cool interviews on Jess’s blog. The latest is with Ari Stidham, the guy who plays Ian. His advice to any girl that has an issue with her body? “Confidence. Love yourself because you’re a human being. Don’t love yourself because you look a certain way. Love yourself because you were put on this Earth for a reason. And um, that’s attractive.” OMG Ari, I couldn’t have said it better if I tried!!!

Dreams Can Come True

March 10, 2010 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

When we were little, everything was possible and no dream was out of reach. We were literally playing make-believe and planting a strong and powerful belief in the rich and fertile soil of our minds. Under the right conditions, those dreams can root, grow and blossom into fruition. Yet so often in life, the dreams we had as little girls get crushed, buried or simply fade away.

With today’s technology and with social networking mediums like Facebook and YouTube, many people are using them as powerful platforms to successfully launch their dreams out into the world. Others seem to just magically get discovered through these channels because of the viral nature of this technology.

Imagine being three years old and having your fantasy dream come true? Here is an amazing story that unfolded as a result of YouTube.

I stumbled upon this story last week quite by chance. I recorded the show “Jimmy Kimmel Live” because my all time favorite band, Hall and Oates was supposed to be on it. Sadly their base guitarist, T-Bone passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack and they cancelled their appearance. I watched the whole show anyways hoping for a mention of the band and how they were all doing, but there was no announcement.

When I first saw the clip, I thought it was so adorable and so cool of Jimmy Kimmel to arrange to make that little girl’s dream come true. But ever since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the story and it has left me wondering…

In the clip, Jimmy mentions that this is as good as it’s going to get for this girl and her dreams. She disagreed and said “No it’s not.” I love how she believes in her life getting better and better, but I can’t help but wonder if she is going to go through a major let down phase following an event of this magnitude at the age of three?
Why would a mother video tape her three year old having a melt down and then post it to YouTube?
If that kind of whining gets that kind of attention and positive reaction, doesn’t it just reinforce the notion that “she who whines the most gets the prize?”

We live in a world that values fame and everyone is looking for their own fifteen minutes of it. But that kind of power rush is short lived and will never sustain our sense of purpose or unleash our innate potential. As cool as that opportunity was for little Cody and her family, I am more interested in the dreams of those who are striving to make a difference in this world and of those who work tirelessly in pursuit of those dreams.

Sometimes those of us with big, unrealized dreams can become discouraged when it seems like others are out there, going viral and getting “discovered.”

Here are some ways to unearth, rediscover and live your dreams;

Think back to when you were little. What did you love to do? When I was three, I starred in a neighborhood garage show. My dad’s workbench was the stage and I raised $5.00 and donated it to a local hospital. i was born to inspire and entertain others, but my dreams got buried when suddenly my dad died when I was ten and then my mother died when I was sixteen. It has been a long journey to rediscover those dreams, but I know now that they never really die and they can be reborn.
Ask yourself, if money was no object and you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you love to do? Jot down whatever thoughts or ideas come to you and explore the possibilities without any constraints.
Play make believe. When we were little we believed anything was possible. Spend some time day dreaming and dive into that wild mind of yours and have some fun imagining some what-ifs.
Sift through all of the challenges and use it all as contrast to help you get clear about what you really want. If you stay focused on the problem, you’ll keep getting more of the same right back at you.

If you need a little help in sorting through it all and figuring out what you want to be when you grow up, then give me a call or email me to find out more about coaching and receive a free 20 minute coaching call.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and reactions about the YouTube video!

Girls and Guidance

February 8, 2010 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

A week doesn’t go by without receiving an email (or several) from girls desperately looking for guidance. The details of their stories may differ, but the essence of each request is exactly the same: “Please help!” Help me figure out if I should tell this guy how I feel… Help me learn how to be more confident around other people… Help me figure out what my next step should be… Help me get along better with my mom.

There was a time when I would personally answer each request and offer suggestions about how they might move through their challenge. This could easily have turned into a full time job if I let it, so I decided to reach more girls who might be going through the very same challenges by posting my responses on my blog or by creating videos on YouTube. Not only would I be helping more girls, but I was also setting gentle boundaries for myself so that I didn’t feel so obligated to personally respond to every single cry for help.

As much as I love hearing from these girls, what I love even more is to empower and teach them how to turn inward and trust their own inner guidance for their next right step or direction so they won’t have to keep looking outside of themselves for their answers. It reminds me of the Chinese proverb, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”

Call it intuition, divine guidance, an inner voice or simply a quiet knowing, each of us has the ability to access a source of wisdom that will lead us to the next right step. Learning how to access it and then trust it is something that requires both practice and patience.

Here are some steps you can take to begin to make that connection and tap into your own inner guidance.

Develop a daily practice of sitting still and quieting your mind.

Carve out five to ten minutes each day to just be. Make this time sacred by lighting a candle, listening to soft music and focusing on your breathing. You may not notice any immediate answers or see any dramatic changes at first. After you’ve been practicing and developing this habit for awhile, it will begin to have a cumulative effect and you will start to notice a clarity of mind and your answers will come to you as a hunch or in a flash of inspiration. An additional step to making this practice stick is to actually have an uncluttered sacred space to practice your daily ritual.

Get in the habit of writing in a diary or journal either every morning or evening.

In Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way,” she recommends writing morning pages to get the creative juices flowing. She asks you to commit to writing 3 pages each day. In the beginning you may just be writing things like “how the heck am I going to fill up three whole pages?”, but eventually the words will begin to flow. Once you get the hang of it, you can write out a question and then like magic, guidance will spill out onto the page.

Ask for divine guidance.

Develop a relationship with your own concept of a higher power and then have a conversation and ask for help. Many christians live their lives and receive their next right step by asking WWJD? or What Would Jesus Do? If you were brought up in a different faith you can simply ask the question, “What would love do?” To me that means the very same thing because I believe that God is love and when you align your actions with love, then you can never go wrong and your answer will come from the ultimate authority and source of all truth.

Here are a few important reminders as well as the benefits to receiving guidance:

Don’t try to solve big problems all at once.

All you need to do is look for the next right step and then take action on that guidance. It’s like driving in the dark with only your headlights to light your way. You can’t see the final destination, and yet you get there by seeing only the next 200 feet in front of you.

Pay attention to the signals your body is sending you.

We each have our own built-in GPS system that lets us know when we’re off course. If something doesn’t feel right to you, then it probably isn’t the right choice for you.

You have to stay alert when you’re seeking guidance.

It will show up in all sorts of ways and you could miss it if you’re not noticing the signs along the way. One of the benefits of practicing the suggestions mentioned above is that you develop what is known as mindfulness as you become fully engaged and take an active role in the creation of a fabulous life instead of letting life happen to you.

Adolescence is about learning to take responsibility (response ability). In other words, developing the ability to respond to whatever happens and to deal with it by making your own decisions. Probably the biggest payoff to developing your own internal guidance system is that along the way, you start to strengthen your own inner trust muscles and the result is self-confidence. An added bonus to that is when you start to trust yourself then others begin to trust you too. How cool would it be if instead of complaining that your parents don’t trust you to make good decisions, you could effortlessly gain their trust by practicing these few simple steps.

Remember, there’s nothing wrong with asking for advice. But never take that advice without first running it through your own internal guidance system to make sure it’s the next right step for you.

There are lots of free downloads available on my site to help you connect to your own guidance, as well as some cd’s and mp3’s you can purchase that will also help you learn how to harness the power of your mind to create a life you love!

NOTE: In my next blog post, I’ll be delving deeper into the topic of divine guidance and angelic assistance. One girl recently asked me how she could connect to her “angles and sprite guides.” Spelling, structure and grammar aside, I was thrilled that she wanted to learn more about her “angels and spirit guides” in an effort to connect to her own inner wisdom and truth.

The Power of a Dream

August 19, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

On June 10, 2009 my son Alex was drafted by the Boston Red Sox and his life long dream had finally come true. It was without a doubt one of the most agonizing and emotional days of my life.

For the past year Alex had been heavily scouted and most of the scouts assured him that they would take him somewhere in the top ten rounds. I was glued to my computer in my office and Alex was on his laptop in the family room. My heart and spirit dropped when we moved into the eleventh round and his name had not been called. Alex came into my office and said “Well, I can always go back to school and hope it happens next year.”

And then suddenly the phone started ringing off the hook!! Calls came in from the San Diego Padres, the Seattle Mariners, the Chicago Cubs and the Boston Red Sox. My son fielded inquiries like a pro and to my utter surprise turned down their offers! He wasn’t being greedy, but he clearly knew his value and worth and also knew that a degree from Duke University (whether he’d return for his senior year or sign in his junior year) was his bargaining chip.

By the 20th round, I was near tears and he was amazingly calm and at one point said to me, “Well, it looks like this isn’t happening this year. It’s OK Mom.” Then the Chicago Cubs called back and offered him the kind of money he had been originally asking for and they said that Alex was going to be their next pick. The Cubs next pick was only 3 teams away and then all of a sudden as we were watching the screen, now both huddled in front of his laptop, and we heard and saw “The Boston Red Sox select Alex Hassan as their 2009, 20th Round Draft Pick.”

We both just looked at each other in total shock and then all of a sudden we both started screaming, laughing, crying, hugging and jumping up and down! It was a miracle and nothing that we could’ve planned or orchestrated ourselves. But this was only the beginning and far from being a done deal.

Let the negotiations begin!

Alex had been drafted as a right handed pitcher and had played as both a pitcher and position player all through high school and college. He had been invited back for his second summer to play for the Cape Cod Baseball League playing for the Orleans Firebirds as the right fielder and as the closer on the mound. He had a fabulous summer both at the plate and on the mound and now the Red Sox were beginning to see him and like him more as a position player.

There is so much more to the story, but on August 1st, Alex accepted the Red Sox’ offer and signed and became an official card-carrying member of The Boston Red Sox! He was immediately assigned to the rookie league, The Lowell Spinners and has been playing right field and is doing phenomenally well. He’s been on a huge hitting streak and recently was named “Player of the Game” and was also highlighted in a fabulous interview on the Spinner’s blog.

Alex Hassan - Player of the Game!

It has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions this summer and I couldn’t be more proud of my son. Through it all, there have been some important lessons that I’d like to share with you.

Never underestimate the power of a dream but be willing to let go of how you think it’s supposed to happen and allow God to handle all the details.
Your choices either lead you towards your goals or away from them. My son doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs. He is an athelete and has had to make some really tough decisions and has learned how to say “no thanks” with so much grace and dignity. As a result, he has gained respect from his friends and most importantly, has developed self-respect.
Never let the odds get in the way of your dreams and goals. Becoming a professional baseball player is a one in a million shot, but my son is one in a million and I never let him forget that.
Don’t quit five minutes before the miracle happens. There have been so many times that my son wanted to give up and give into the negative thoughts swirling around in his head. But all of our power lies in the present moment and in our ability to shift our thoughts away from fear and doubt and return to the awesome power of love. All things are possible when we look through the lenses of love and possibility thinking. Alex just kept telling himself “I love this game and I was born to play baseball.”
Let go and let God. There’s a funny expression that says “Wanna make God laugh? Tell him your plans!” My husband and I had our house on the market for over six months without so much as a nibble. My plan was to up and move to California, but God reminded me that for now, I am a member of Red Sox Nation! Oooohhh Oooohhh Boston you’re my home!

Alex Hassan - Red Sox Nation
Red Sox Nation!

Posted in Announcements | Law of Attraction | Self-Confidence | Trust |
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Teen Girl With the Weight of the World on Her Shoulders

April 9, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

A Response to Jayleene

what can you do when the world’s weight is on your sholders? i feel like i might just break down completely…and then end up Back in Rehab..but instead of outpatient in will be Inpatient…my problem is something that you spoke about when you came to my school..thou it’s not somthing you talked alot about..i guess it’s hard for people to understand what i do..and i don’t feel like saying cause i get judged. or called crazy. so whatever. but i guess i just need help..i need to know what to do so i can help myself..to stop my hurting.

Hi Jayleene – thank you so much for reaching out to me. That is a HUGE accomplishment and it is like your soul is tugging on your sleeve trying to get your attention to wake up and discover your true power.

It doesn’t matter what you’re doing to yourself – drugs, sex, cutting, drinking… whatever. They are all ways that we try to numb our feelings and escape the effects of low self-esteem. The reason your feelings are so heavy and you feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders is because your strategy for trying to control things just isn’t working and you’re trying to change things externally instead of looking within to change the only thing that you can control – your thoughts.

What you think about becomes your reality and you attract back whatever you focus on the most. Learning to control your thoughts and harness the power of your mind can be challenging if you’ve always given in to lazy thoughts or bought into society’s standards about who you “should” be and you haven’t been able to truly know who you are.

The very first thing you need to do is to just breathe. Take a couple of deep, cleansing breaths and just imagine yourself breathing out all of the stress and pain that you’ve been carrying around for so long. Just that simple act can quiet down your mind and help you to feel less stressed and out of control.

From your email, I can see that you’re focused on feeling crummy and insecure and in pain. It will take some effort to shift your thoughts, but try making a list of things that you’re thankful for. It may sound dorky, but it can really help you learn how to train your mind to look for the good instead of the bad. It’s like sending your brain to the gym… you need to give it a good workout.

Then start saying positive things to yourself like:

I am enough

I am good enough

I am a child of God

I have a right to be here

I am loveable

I have a right to love and be loved

Who I am makes a difference

Even if you don’t believe them at first, your soul will recognize it as the truth. Your ego has been running the show and the ego runs on fear. In every moment we have the choice to see the world through the eyes of fear or love. The more you practice this kind of self-talk, the more you develop self-love. Over time it becomes a habit and eventually forms new beliefs within us. That is the way to build up your own self-esteem. Nobody can do it for you, but you have to believe that you are worthy and deserving of a happy life – and you are, simply because you are the beloved child of God.

I would love to coach you to help you shift your thoughts to what you want instead of what you don’t want. But you’d have to talk to your mom or dad about hiring me as your life coach. More and more girls are discovering their power and reaching out and asking for help. The sad thing is that most parents immediately think therapy… and although there are many benefits to therapy, therapy looks backwards and tries to figure out what’s wrong and coaching helps you look at everything as just contrast to help you get clear about what you want and what’s right and then helps you move towards that.

A great life is within your power. You are stronger than you can even believe. How do I know? I have been where you are. Maybe the circumstances are different, but the feelings are the same and I have turned my life around. I know firsthand that this is all possible. Your soul already knows the truth… and we’re here to remember and return to the source of our true power.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please try some of the suggestions I gave you. Nothing changes unless something changes – and the only thing you have the power to change is YOU.

There is only so much I can do in an email and I really hope you let someone know how much you’re hurting.

GIANT HUGS,

Kathleen

Parents: Giving Advice to Tweens & Teens

March 5, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

finger wagging doesn't work
Finger wagging advice NEVER works!

The other day I received a request from a journalist who is writing an article for Good Housekeeping and she was looking for tips on how to give advice to tweens and teens. Being right up my alley, I immediately dashed off an email with 9 tips that absolutely flowed out of me and onto the page. I still haven’t heard back from the writer as to whether or not she’ll be quoting me in her article and the way it usually works is you find out just before the publication goes to print. I’m not holding my breath, but just happy to have been asked and figured I may as well share that information with all of you instead of waiting for the article to come out.

So here’s what I wrote to her:

My name is Kathleen Hassan and I am known as The Teen Confidence Coach. I speak at schools, youth conferences and mother/daughter events all over the country. I give lots of advice to teens and tweens as I receive emails daily from girls all over the world… and the best part of all is that they actually listen to me and reach out for help! I have an “Ask” button on my website and encourage girls to email me their burning questions. I answer them either directly via email, in my blog or in a video on YouTube. They really want to be guided and they are desperate for some answers and for some relief from their inner struggle of not being or feeling good enough – just the way they are.

Here are some tips/strategies that I use, and suggest to parents for open communication and for doling out advice:

Be honest and dare to be vulnerable. Share your own experiences as an example of what worked – and what didn’t.
Don’t think you have to know the answers – it’s more about helping them find their truth and providing them with an opportunity to learn how to trust themselves and look within for their own inner guidance.
WIIFM – tweens, teens and everyone for that matter wears a set of imaginary head phones that are tuned into station WIIFM: What’s In It For Me? Make sure to explain and demonstrate how your advice, ideas and suggestions will benefit them.
Avoid the word “should” such as “You should do this… or that”. Absolutely no one likes to be “should” on.
Really listen and affirm what they are going through. For example, if an 11 year old girl gets caught up in the drama of boys and dating and asks “What should I do? The boy I’m crushing on likes someone else!” The last thing you want to do is to pooh-pooh her and say something like “Oh honey, you’re only 11, there will be plenty of time for boys.” Instead, say something like “Wow, I can see that you really like this guy. Tell me what you like about him” or “I can see you’re really struggling with this whole dating thing, let’s talk about it.”
Hire a coach for your daughter. (I have a list of the Top 10 Reasons to Hire a Life Coach for Your Daughter on my website) Girls tend to listen to someone who isn’t their mother! I was recently coaching a twenty-something school teacher who was feeling exhausted and run down. I suggested she might want to think about taking vitamins to supplement her diet. When her mother found out she said “Sarah, I’ve been trying to get you to take vitamins for years and suddenly your coach suggests it, and now you’re taking vitamins?!”
Attend mother/daughter workshops together. A good facilitator asks thought provoking questions that invoke deep and meaningful conversations.
Help them get clear about what they really want while identifying any erroneous or limiting beliefs about the situation. For example, she might think that “everyone has a boyfriend” or “there’s something wrong with me because I don’t have a boyfriend.”
Help them see into the future and think through their decisions. In Alcoholics Anonymous, people in recovery are encouraged to “think through the drink” so they don’t make an emotional decision in the heat of the moment. Ask what their decision will cost them in the long run? The teen brain isn’t fully developed and as a result, they lack the ability to think in the moment. So it is vital that you help them to see in advance what may happen in various scenarios and show they how their decisions and choices could play out.

Please feel free to comment and add your tips and strategies for offering advice to your kids!

Posted in Character Development | Life Skills | Parents | Trust |
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6 things to do before your teen goes away for spring break

March 2, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

I just received this google news alert and thought it was important enough to re-post on my blog for your consideration.

SunSentinel.com
February 27, 2009

No matter where teens are traveling for spring break this year, Family Circle magazine has six things you must do before your teen goes away.

Sit them down and talk to them about the behaviors you expect from them. Reinforce the same things you taught them when they were younger: trust their instincts, don’t wander off with strangers, stress that there is safety in numbers.
Set up communication rules. Find out if your teen’s cell phone will work wherever they are traveling. If it won’t make sure they have money for a pay as you go phone that they can purchase when they arrive. Decide on a specific time every day for your child to call or text you to check in.
Make sure you have all the contact numbers for the hotel where they will be staying. If your child is traveling with a group of friends, make sure you have the numbers of the other parents.
Have an honest conversation with your teen about drinking and drugs, especially if their destination’s drug and alcohol rules differ from the rules in the United States.
Make sure that your teen knows they can call you whenever they need to. In addition to setting up daily check-in times, let your teen know that if they encounter an uncomfortable or dangerous situation, you will be there to talk and help. The more open the lines of communication are between you and your teen, the more likely it is that they will behave responsibly.
Register your teen’s trip with the U.S. Department of State. This free service allows you to record information about their upcoming trip abroad so that the Department of State can assist in case of emergency. Visit https://travelregistration.state.gov/ibrs/ui/.

Character Development

Life Skills

Trust

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Parents & Teens: Is it OK to Snoop on Your Child?

February 1, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

My friend and colleague, Robert Siciliano is an expert on Personal Security and is often called upon by the media to share his insights regarding Identity Theft and Credit Card fraud. But I just received an email from Robert announcing that tomorrow 2/2/09 he’ll be on the Tyra Banks Show to teach Moms how to successfully snoop on their teen daughters!

Below is Robert’s announcement and I‘ll weigh in my comments after watching the show. I’ve highlighted the text that resonates with me and my gut reaction is that if you get to the point that you need to snoop, then you haven’t spent enough time developing your own inner trust muscles. As within, so it is without. In other words, what ever you’re seeing outside of yourself is a direct reflection of what is going on inside of you.

“Monday 2/2 the Tyra Banks show “Mom Police” Featuring Robert Siciliano features moms who go to extremes to spy on their kids! These snoopy moms admit to reading their girls’ diaries and going through their cell phones and personal things. Plus, one mom wants to know where her child is at all times — and secretly plants a tracking device on her!Like all daytime talk, its a tad sensational, and done well. What parent hasn’t snooped on their child at some point? I know my parents did, for good reason!!

Some moms simply search draws and closets, others interrogate and pat down. And with advances in snooping technology, many parents are installing computer monitoring software, tracking kids on GPS cell phones and others are monitoring their child’s text messages either remotely or right on the phone bill.

Snooping is done to protect the child from themselves, from others, and to give the parent peace of mind.

My role is to demonstrate various snooping technologies. I walk a mom through a few tools to monitor her somewhat out of control 15 year old daughter.

There may be a lack of trust, paranoia, fear, or good reason to snoop on your kids. Sometimes parents who fear, use love as an excuse to snoop. Either way, there seems to be a breach of trust between parent and child when snooping occurs (or when the child finds out).

My children are young, so I have no need to snoop. Will I? Neither you or my child will ever know. ~ Unless of course my child snoops on me and I end up on Tyra.

If you are a parent and have time to Tivo or watch live, I think you find this to be entertaining and educational as well.”

Keep Out Diary
Keep Out!

Daring to Disagree: Taking the Sting Out of Queen Bees & Wannabees

January 28, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

For most of my life, I was a people pleaser; afraid to rock the boat and speak my truth. But thankfully because I walk my talk and practice what I preach, I have dared to go deep within and have found my voice and my true power. As a result, I am no longer willing to acquiesce to the opinion or acclaimed wisdom of others when I just don’t agree – even if that other person is a best-selling author and her book was the basis of a hit movie.

I recently attended a program by the author of Queen Bees & Wannabees who spoke about girls and bullying. I walked out of the auditorium feeling uneasy and the energy in the room was palpably heavy. The woman I went with, who also works in this field, took voracious notes and loved it. I wrestled with these feelings for days and then about a week later it hit me – I just do not agree with this woman’s approach and I believe that if we keep focusing on the “reality” or the problem, we’re only going to attract more of the same back to us. I believe we need to shift our focus back to the cause (the mind/heart/spirit of girls) rather than focusing on the effect (mean girls and bullying) or things will never change.

I feel like I’m taking on Goliath as everyone made such a big deal over this author, paid her big bucks and her book was what the movie “Mean Girls” was based upon. This is an entire culture that has bought into this fear-based “reality.” As a matter of fact, the speaker, Rosalind Wiseman’s opening comment was “We live in a fear-based culture.” Duh, tell me something I don’t know.

I do believe that Ms. Wiseman is making an impact and her book has shed a light on the issues that so many girls face in our culture and society. In her talk she said that she doesn’t really care whether people like her or not, but that her hope was that her program will get people talking. I’ll give her credit for that because she certainly got me thinking and talking about it.

But I guess for me, the most valuable thing that has come out of this experience has been the realization of how, for most of my life, I have cared too much about whether or not people like me. The good news is that finally I have learned to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks about me and care more deeply about what I think. And as long as I stay connected to God and continually ask for His divine guidance, well then that’s all that really matters.

I was nudged by God to dare to write this article. My hope is that it will help girls become aware of how much they care about what others think about them and then to inspire them to go deeper, to connect to their higher power and their highest self and discover their own truth.

So how do you do that? You start by slowing down and learning how to quiet your mind. Our busy mind chatter is like static on an old fashioned radio. When you practice being still, focusing on your breath and quieting down your thoughts, it’s as if you’ve turned your dial, adjusted your station and tuned into the channel that allows you to receive the transmission that leads to your truth.

There’s no law that says you have to tune in, but unless you do, you will be forever looking outside of yourself for your answers and thinking that everyone knows more, has more, is more than you – and you will never be enough.

The answers you seek are inside of you… and your truth will set you free. Because only then will you dare to disagree and by doing so you bless both you and me.

Dove Self-Esteem Fund – Saying “YES” to What You Want

August 18, 2008 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Last year I wrote a monthly column for a rural high school magazine called “Ambition”. The editor said it was a start-up and didn’t have any money yet to pay her writers but was hoping that would change soon. Well, I wrote the articles last year and it was a good discipline to write regularly and with a topic and focus… however, as far as exposure goes, I never even got one email response and no business referrals.

So this year the editor contacted me again and gave me the deadline for the fall submission and I asked her about getting paid. She said she was still not making a profit and couldn’t pay her writers. Hmmmm… I thought about it and prayed about it and then asked God to give me a clear sign as to what I should do.

A couple of days later, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and went to my room with my journal. I decided to read my entries from the beginning and stumbled upon some notes from a writer’s conference that I had attended. On one page, I saw my notes from a prominent Boston writer who said “As writers, it is important to value our own talent and expertise… if we don’t – no one else will. Don’t write for free.”

I jumped off the bed and went and emailed the editor, thanked her for the opportunity and graciously declined. THE NEXT DAY, I got an email and an invitation to be an Editor for the Dove Self-Esteem Fund and they offered to pay me!! How cool is that???

It just goes to show you, when you say “No” to what you don’t want, it is like a giant “YES” to what you do want and God takes care of the rest!!

Click here to read my article: The Essence of Self-Esteem Comes From Within.