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Stay Where You Are - So I Can Feel Safe

December 20, 2011 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

There’s a certain sense of security and camaraderie in the struggle of life. But what happens when someone decides to let go of the struggle and step into the joy and flow of life? Do people like you better when you play it safe and play the victim of circumstances?

When someone decides to step out of the role they’ve been playing and makes a bold move towards change, you’d think that everyone would stand up and cheer! But more often then not, people try to put you back where they think you belong so they can feel safe. Misery loves company is an expression that, although few of us would admit, really does make us feel a little bit better about our own lives if someone else is struggling right along with us.

The Mobile Effect

Imagine everyone in your family and all of your closest friends are all hanging on a mobile. No matter how functional or dysfunctional each individual or family unit may be, each person keeps the entire structure in balance. But when one dares to take themselves off the hook and opts for something different - even if that something different is fabulous - everyone feels the shift and the whole unit is off kilter and out of whack.

The good news is that everyone will eventually find a new sense of balance. The bad news is that the time in between can sometimes send the bold adventurer, who disrupted the status quo, clambering back into old patterns and habits of people pleasing while putting themselves back on the hook!

I recently made such a bold move in my own life and am living out my wildest dreams! I relocated my life and business to Naples, Florida and I’m having the time of my life. I’ve been amazed, but not surprised by some of the comments I’ve received from family and friends:
- you bitch!
- must be nice
- we get it - you’re happy
- I’m ignoring your posts on Facebook - they’re way too positive
- how come your life is so serene and I can barely get through the day?

Sometimes I’ve found myself holding back so I don’t come off as bragging. Then I remember the quote by Marianne Williamson from her book “A Return to Love,” Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. Then I remember that I’ve been here before and that this too shall pass. I’ve been on a healing and spiritual journey for the last 20 years and I’ve had a lot of practice in letting go and trusting the guidance of God. I know that following that inner guidance is what truly serves the world and I’m willing to step into the unknown and light the way for others.

If the opinions of others have kept you stuck where you are, if you’ve been dreaming about making a change in your life - be it a bold, life-altering move, or a tiny shift in your daily habits or routines, one of the best ways to step confidently in the direction of your dreams is to create a strong support system around you.

Create a Strong Support System

Here are a few ways to get the support you need to make your move and make your mark on the world:

- Start a Mastermind Group. Gather up 4-6 people who are all ready to step boldly in the direction of their dreams. Commit to meet regularly to brainstorm ideas, encourage and cheer each other on and hold each other accountable for action items.

- Find a Goal Buddy. Establish a partnership and commitment with one person who shares similar goals as you, such as - getting in shape, writing a book, quitting smoking, etc.

- Join a 12-Step Recovery Group. It’s not only alcoholics who work the 12 steps. There are recovery groups for over-eaters, over-spenders, gamblers, sex-addicts and co-dependents. Join a group, go to meetings, get a sponsor and work the 12 steps.

- Hire a Coach! A coach is like a personal trainer for the mind and will help you gain clarity and focus to direct your thoughts towards your goals and away from what you don’t want.

The Only One Who Likes Change is a Wet Baby!

Change doesn’t have to be as hard or scary. The right support around you - to hold your hand and cheer you on - will remind you that you are safe and powerful.

Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes!

Are you ready to take a baby step or a giant leap in the direction of your dreams? Maybe you’d like to…

=> start a business
=> find new love
=> get a new career (or a raise)
=> lose weight
=> get your child(ren) to behave better
=> or build your self-esteem & self-confidence

No matter what you’d like to change or achieve, the secrets to success are the same…

#1: Get clear. As specifically as possible, decide what you want. The more clear you are on what you want to have in your life, the more likely you are to achieve it.

#2: Get perspective. Most people don’t tell anyone what they want or what they are struggling with and because of that they don’t get an outside perspective.

#3: Get support. Very few people (if any) achieve anything great alone. Sports stars have teammates and coaches. Be willing to ask the people in your life to support you.

As my holiday gift to you, I am offering a substantial discount on a one hour Laser Coaching Session. Sessions typically cost $150, but by using the Discount Code GRACE during checkout, you’ll pay only $100—that’s a 33% savings! AND as an added bonus, if you decide to continue with ongoing monthly coaching, I will apply that $100 towards your first month of coaching!

In our coaching session we’ll work together to…  

=> Create a crystal clear vision for ‘ultimate success’ so you know exactly what you want, where you’re headed, and what you need to do to make it happen.
  => Uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your ability to make changes that last or that are slowing down your progress  
=> Leave this session renewed, re-energized, and inspired to finally achieve the change you seek- once and for all 

If you’re ready to make 2012 your best year yet… click here to purchase your Laser Coaching Session NOW!

Happy Holidays & Here’s to becoming Your Very Best YOU!

I’m not bragging… but here’s what living your dreams looks and feels like!!!

Dig Your Well Before You’re Thirsty - The Importance of a Daily Meditation Practice

July 24, 2011 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Years ago, I read a business book on networking by Harvey Mackay entitled “Dig Your Well Before You’re Thirsty.” It was about making contacts and relationships before you need them so that when you’re actually in the process of building a business, creating a new product, launching a global cause-related initiative, you have the support and resources already in place.

Recently, I experienced an entirely different understanding of “digging my well before I’m thirsty” as it relates to prayer and meditation and it came to me in the least likely place of being encased in the tunnel of an MRI machine.

I’d been having chronic pain and limited mobility in my shoulder. Although not debilitating, it was prohibiting me from fully participating and enjoying simple things like downward facing dog pose in yoga. Part of me wanted to just “suck it up” and push through it, but the responsible part of me wanted to make sure I hadn’t torn a tendon or ligament and damage it further by continuing to ignore it, so I went for the MRI.

I’ve never been claustrophobic, so I wasn’t overly concerned with being in the tunnel, but I was not prepared for the loud and strange noises once they shoved me inside that tube!! Thankfully, I have a daily meditation practice and immediately and intuitively knew how to use the sounds to take me deeper within and find that quiet and sacred place where nothing disturbs my serenity. It was over before I knew it and came out of there feeling like I just took a nap or had a massage!

So why was my MRI experience so vastly different from others who have been known to flip out inside that tunnel? Everyone has different reactions to the stressors in our lives. Stress is our bodies’ reaction to any external stimulation or change - and God knows, there is certainly more than enough external stimuli in our world to react to.

The Cost of Stress

It is our reaction to that stimuli that puts us into overwhelm, that keeps us stuck in the past with regret or jettisons us into the future with worry. Stress increases fight or flight reactions in our body that leads to ulcers, high blood pressure, skin and autoimmune disorders. Left unattended, it not only causes us physical damage, it affects our capacity to be in relationships, thrive in our careers and find deep contentment in life.

A Different Approach: Silencing the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee!

Just the term “stress management” infers that it is possible to manage and manipulate the external environment to help us feel less stress - which is not only an illusion but is totally “bass ackwards!” If you really want to manage stress, you need to go to the source - to the very cause of every effect you see - to your own thought system.

However, trying to think your way out of stress is like the proverbial blind leading the blind - you cannot heal your own mind with the same sick mind! So the best approach is to learn how to quiet your mind altogether and allow some space between you and your thoughts. We must learn how separate who we are from our thoughts and stop identifying ourselves by our thoughts.

Referred to by some as “the monkey mind” or by others as the hamster on the wheel that never stops spinning, or what I like to call the “itty bitty shitty committee,” we need to first become aware that it is there, and practice simply observing it and then detaching from those incessant mental gymnastics that exhaust us and keep us stuck in the loop of chronic stress and anxiety.

Mindfulness and Meditation - The Keys to Inner Peace

Jon Kabat-Zinn, a world renowned author, lecturer and founder of the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, teaches mindfulness meditation as a technique to help people cope with stress, anxiety, pain and illness. He describes meditation as if you are weaving a parachute. On day one you may have only woven a few strands together. But over time, it is the cumulative effect of consistent practice that eventually creates this parachute that will carry you safely through the challenges of life when you figuratively get kicked out of the plane and are free falling.

We all know what stress is, yet mindfulness is our innate capacity to be with whatever is happening in this moment. Mindfulness teaches us how to stay with our experience rather than run from it or suppress it. We learn by remaining present with our breath how to live life in the now and tap into the wisdom and natural healing capacity of our bodies.

Below is a guided meditation that I created to get you started in learning how to be in the miraculous power of the present. Do yourself a favor and start now! Don’t wait until life kicks you out of the plane to realize that you haven’t taken the time to weave your own parachute!! Dig your well BEFORE you’re thirsty and start TODAY!

Posted in Life Skills | Spirituality | Stress Management | Video |
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What If You Knew You Couldn’t Fail?

July 11, 2011 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Imagine if you knew in advance that you’d already won and that nothing you could do - or not do would change that. Imagine how different your approach to life would be. Your attitude and perspective would be so dramatically shifted from the way it is right now. You’d play more and worry less. You’d see challenges as opportunities to be creative. You would no longer be driven by the self-centered fear of not being good enough because you’d already know that you are enough.

Well, guess what? You’ve already won! You already are enough! For you were created in the image and likeness of God. Within you lies the changeless and eternal truth that you are one with your Creator. Our only purpose here is to awaken to the truth of that and let go of the illusion that we are anything less than the love and light of God. Our job is to allow God to fully manifest all that He is through us. We are already all that, we simply need to remember that and stop resisting and clinging to who we think we are.

Everything is Possible

Years ago I heard Benjamin Zander, Conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, Teacher at the New England Conservatory of Music and author of “The Art of Possibility” speak at a Toastmasters Convention. He shared a revolutionary approach to teaching music in that at the beginning of each semester, he gave all of his students an A and then had them imagine what they could do with music knowing they had already succeeded in the class.

When he first proposed this far-out concept, many of his foreign students just could not accept that they didn’t have to work hard to earn the A. Eventually, he got them all to see how the struggling to achieve actually blocked the flow of creativity and prohibited them from fully expressing and creating music from their divine source of power within. The results were astounding and since that time, his concept and miraculous approach to creating music became the book “The Art of Possibility” and has catapulted Zander onto the stage as an in-demand presenter at conferences all over the world.

I’m Not Lost… I’m Exploring

Jana Stanfield is a gifted singer, songwriter and inspirational speaker who travels the world giving her Keynote Concerts. I first met Jana over 15 years ago at my very first National Speakers Association Conference. We met in passing on the trade show floor and she handed me a bumper sticker that said “I’m not lost… I’m exploring” and it totally changed my perspective from that moment on. I realized that I was on a spiritual journey and that I wasn’t lost, that it was OK not to know and that it was safe to trust that I was being guided to my truth.

Now imagine how different your life would be if you knew that you weren’t lost and that you were being guided every step of the way. Try that on for size and see if you can feel your body letting go of some fear and struggle. You’ve already won. You’ve already got the A. So what would you explore today, knowing that you can’t get it wrong?

One of my all-time favorite Jana Stanfield songs is “If I Were Brave.” Recently Jana put out a request on FaceBook to submit pictures of a time when we were being really brave. I submitted a picture of me swinging through the air with the (not so) greatest of ease on the flying trapeze and Jana selected it to be in her music video!!

Here are some of the lyrics of the song. Take some time today and answer some of the questions she poses;

“If I Were Brave” - Jana Stanfield

What would I do, if I knew that I could not fail? 
If I believed, would the wind always fill up my sail? 
How far would I go? What could I achieve, 
trusting the hero in me?

If I were brave, I’d walk the razor’s edge,
 where fools and dreamers dare to tread. 
I’d never lose faith, even when losing my way.
 What step would I take today, if I were brave?

What would I do today, if I were brave? 
What would I do today, if I were brave?

What if we’re all meant to do what we secretly dream? 
What would you ask, if you knew you could have anything?
 Like the mighty oak sleeps, in the heart of a seed, 
are there miracles in you and me?

If I were brave, I’d walk the razor’s edge, 
where fools and dreamers dare to tread.
 I’d never lose faith, even when losing my way. 
What step would I take today, if I were brave?

What would I do today, if I were brave?
 What would I do today, if I were brave?

If I refuse to listen to the voice of fear, 
would the voice of courage whisper in my ear?

If I were brave, I’d walk the razor’s edge, 
where fools and dreamers dare to tread. 
I’d never lose faith, even when losing my way. 
What step would I take today, if I were brave?

What would I do today, if I were brave? 
What would I do today, if I were brave?

And now… Here is her music video starring me!! (watch the whole thing and be totally inspired… but just make sure you watch me at 3:54!)

You’ve already won & you cannot fail! Go for it!!

Confidence Tip: Practice Positive Self-Talk

September 14, 2010 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Do you talk to yourself? If you’re sitting there wondering “Do I talk to myself?” Then the answer is, YES! You just did it! Pay attention to the messages you give to yourself and be your own BFF. Talk to yourself the way you wish others would speak to you.

If you catch yourself saying something negative, consciously tell yourself to stop and then replace that thought with a more positive and empowering statement such as “I am enough - just the way I am” or “I matter,” “I am loved and lovable.”

We teach people how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves. You want love? Start loving yourself.

Affirmations are positive statements in the present tense spoken as if they are already achieved. When practiced and repeated over time, these positive statements become new beliefs which effect our behavior and attitude and we then begin to see different results.

Louise Hay has been teaching about the power of affirmations for more than 25 years. In her latest book, “Experience Your Good Now: Learning to Use Affirmations, Louise explains, when you use affirmations, you’re really saying to your subconscious mind: “I am taking responsibility. I am aware that there is something I can do to change.”

Louise Hay with Kathleen at Hay House Movers & Shakers Conference

Many of us have been conditioned from an early age to believe that we are unworthy or undeserving of a fabulous life. Don’t believe those lies. Take charge of your own mind and learn how to harness and utilize the power of your own thoughts to create a life that you love.

To receive your free mp3 audio download of Affirmations for Transformation, simply fill out the form below.

Download your FREE mp3 audio program ~ Confidence Power Thoughts: Affirmations for Transformation

Confidence Tip: Just Breathe

September 13, 2010 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Sometimes the simplest tool is the one that is most overlooked and underutilized. Give it a shot… what have you got to lose except all that stress???

Research has shown that 3 cleansing deep breaths turn on the relaxation response and turn off the flight or fight response. So when you’re feeling stressed just remember to BREATHE… Inhale 1-2-3… hold… Exhale 1-2-3 and repeat. It’s like sending a signal to your brain… it’...s OK… I’m safe and all is well.

Here are some of the benefits of deep breathing:

Reduces stress
Promotes better sleep
Increases energy
Quiets racing thoughts
Relaxes muscles
Releases endorphins - the feel good hormone

Try to make conscious deep breathing a regular habit. You will become more mindful and present in your own life and you will develop the ability to access inner guidance and intuition while in that heightened relaxed state and that builds confidence and self-esteem!

Posted in Life Skills | Self-Confidence | Self-Esteem | Stress Management |
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Weighing In on HUGE

August 16, 2010 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Have you seen ABC Family’s latest summer blockbuster, HUGE? It’s the story of a group of teens at a weight loss camp, otherwise known as fat camp. When I first heard about it, I was intrigued, skeptical and disgusted all at the same time. Another show focusing on what is wrong with teens today and yet another blatant example of the media exploiting social issues to their advantage. Due to a regular Monday night commitment, I haven’t been home to watch it, but as I said, I was intrigued, so I had been taping it. Last week I sat down to a HUGE marathon and have to say, not only was I pleasantly surprised, I actually loved it.

HUGE is well written and the characters are engaging, interesting and so lovable - even though none of them would ever claim that to be true. There are so many layers to the premise of this show. Yes, it’s about body image and all that goes with that, but it is about so much more; relationships, mother/daughter dynamics, friendships, fitting in, brothers and sisters, fathers and daughters, addictions and 12 step recovery, surrender, spirituality, self-esteem, confidence, families, resentments, forgiveness, prayer, religion, affirmations, gratitude, divine guidance, sports, teamwork, leadership, trust and learning to speak the truth.

The ramifications of such a powerful show are, dare I say, HUGE! I can’t say that I’ve laughed out loud, but I have cried and have identified with so many of the raw emotions that these characters are dealing with. The main character, Will is played by Nikki Blonsky and she is so full of anger, resentment and resistance to change. She is afraid that if she gives in, she will be succumbing to society’s expectations of who she should be. She is caught between the message of self-acceptance and trying to swallow the implications of what that means in an environment that is forcing you to shrink to an acceptable size.

Jess Weiner, Global Ambassador for the Dove Self-Esteem Fund and teen girl advocate has been blogging about HUGE before it even aired and has created a weekly Conversation Guide for each episode. As a Hollywood insider and a voice for change, Jess has interviewed the creators and all the cast members. The writers, Savanah Dooley and Winnie Holzman along with Nikki Blonsky all said that they hope this series becomes more than a show about body image and that people will really resonate with the characters. I’d say that their focused intention has made manifest and together they have created a powerful vehicle for compassion and change. Just like The Cosby Show initially began as a show about a black family, or Will and Grace started out as a show about being gay, both of them became so much more and gave us the opportunity to see past the initial label. HUGE has the potential to be way more than just a show about overweight kids.

As a teen girl advocate myself, self-esteem and empowerment has been the theme of my work for the last fifteen years as well as the focus of my own healing journey for my entire life. I’m not working to fix anyone, but rather to help young women look within for their power, voice and truth. At first glance, HUGE may appear to be just another show about fixing what’s wrong with teens today, but after watching my HUGE marathon I am excited and filled with so much hope. Finally something good on TV that just might actually make a difference.

Definitely check out HUGE on Monday nights on ABC Family and also check out all the other cool interviews on Jess’s blog. The latest is with Ari Stidham, the guy who plays Ian. His advice to any girl that has an issue with her body? “Confidence. Love yourself because you’re a human being. Don’t love yourself because you look a certain way. Love yourself because you were put on this Earth for a reason. And um, that’s attractive.” OMG Ari, I couldn’t have said it better if I tried!!!

Girls and Guidance

February 8, 2010 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

A week doesn’t go by without receiving an email (or several) from girls desperately looking for guidance. The details of their stories may differ, but the essence of each request is exactly the same: “Please help!” Help me figure out if I should tell this guy how I feel… Help me learn how to be more confident around other people… Help me figure out what my next step should be… Help me get along better with my mom.

There was a time when I would personally answer each request and offer suggestions about how they might move through their challenge. This could easily have turned into a full time job if I let it, so I decided to reach more girls who might be going through the very same challenges by posting my responses on my blog or by creating videos on YouTube. Not only would I be helping more girls, but I was also setting gentle boundaries for myself so that I didn’t feel so obligated to personally respond to every single cry for help.

As much as I love hearing from these girls, what I love even more is to empower and teach them how to turn inward and trust their own inner guidance for their next right step or direction so they won’t have to keep looking outside of themselves for their answers. It reminds me of the Chinese proverb, “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”

Call it intuition, divine guidance, an inner voice or simply a quiet knowing, each of us has the ability to access a source of wisdom that will lead us to the next right step. Learning how to access it and then trust it is something that requires both practice and patience.

Here are some steps you can take to begin to make that connection and tap into your own inner guidance.

Develop a daily practice of sitting still and quieting your mind.

Carve out five to ten minutes each day to just be. Make this time sacred by lighting a candle, listening to soft music and focusing on your breathing. You may not notice any immediate answers or see any dramatic changes at first. After you’ve been practicing and developing this habit for awhile, it will begin to have a cumulative effect and you will start to notice a clarity of mind and your answers will come to you as a hunch or in a flash of inspiration. An additional step to making this practice stick is to actually have an uncluttered sacred space to practice your daily ritual.

Get in the habit of writing in a diary or journal either every morning or evening.

In Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way,” she recommends writing morning pages to get the creative juices flowing. She asks you to commit to writing 3 pages each day. In the beginning you may just be writing things like “how the heck am I going to fill up three whole pages?”, but eventually the words will begin to flow. Once you get the hang of it, you can write out a question and then like magic, guidance will spill out onto the page.

Ask for divine guidance.

Develop a relationship with your own concept of a higher power and then have a conversation and ask for help. Many christians live their lives and receive their next right step by asking WWJD? or What Would Jesus Do? If you were brought up in a different faith you can simply ask the question, “What would love do?” To me that means the very same thing because I believe that God is love and when you align your actions with love, then you can never go wrong and your answer will come from the ultimate authority and source of all truth.

Here are a few important reminders as well as the benefits to receiving guidance:

Don’t try to solve big problems all at once.

All you need to do is look for the next right step and then take action on that guidance. It’s like driving in the dark with only your headlights to light your way. You can’t see the final destination, and yet you get there by seeing only the next 200 feet in front of you.

Pay attention to the signals your body is sending you.

We each have our own built-in GPS system that lets us know when we’re off course. If something doesn’t feel right to you, then it probably isn’t the right choice for you.

You have to stay alert when you’re seeking guidance.

It will show up in all sorts of ways and you could miss it if you’re not noticing the signs along the way. One of the benefits of practicing the suggestions mentioned above is that you develop what is known as mindfulness as you become fully engaged and take an active role in the creation of a fabulous life instead of letting life happen to you.

Adolescence is about learning to take responsibility (response ability). In other words, developing the ability to respond to whatever happens and to deal with it by making your own decisions. Probably the biggest payoff to developing your own internal guidance system is that along the way, you start to strengthen your own inner trust muscles and the result is self-confidence. An added bonus to that is when you start to trust yourself then others begin to trust you too. How cool would it be if instead of complaining that your parents don’t trust you to make good decisions, you could effortlessly gain their trust by practicing these few simple steps.

Remember, there’s nothing wrong with asking for advice. But never take that advice without first running it through your own internal guidance system to make sure it’s the next right step for you.

There are lots of free downloads available on my site to help you connect to your own guidance, as well as some cd’s and mp3’s you can purchase that will also help you learn how to harness the power of your mind to create a life you love!

NOTE: In my next blog post, I’ll be delving deeper into the topic of divine guidance and angelic assistance. One girl recently asked me how she could connect to her “angles and sprite guides.” Spelling, structure and grammar aside, I was thrilled that she wanted to learn more about her “angels and spirit guides” in an effort to connect to her own inner wisdom and truth.

Girls Helping Girls

October 30, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

You don’t have to look very far to get a glimpse of what’s wrong with girls today. Pick up any magazine, peruse your local bookstore, google “teen girls” or turn on the television and view the vast array of in-your-face perspectives of the dark side of growing up girl in today’s image-obsessed culture. Shows, magazines and even the very self-help experts themselves, portrayed as counter-culture saviors to assist today’s young women maneuver their way through the pitfalls of adolescence, all focus more on the problem and what’s wrong vs. the solution and what’s right with girls today.

All of this can be very overwhelming and there are days that I feel like throwing my hands up in the air and asking “What’s the use?”

Last week, like an answered prayer, I got the shift in perspective I had been asking for and I was filled up with hope watching two young women demonstrating everything that’s right with girls today. I was invited for the second year in a row to speak to 1500 7th grade girls at the Young Women’s Leadership Conference in York, PA. I was the opening keynote speaker, presented a workshop on body image and then closed the conference with a message of hope and a take action challenge for the girls to find their power within and to dare to step up and make a difference in this world.

The event was held at York College and this year, students from SIFE (Students In Free Enterprise) were to present a 15 minute program to the girls during the conference as part of a community outreach project. The conference planner had told me that in years past, these presentations hadn’t gone over very well and the girls didn’t pay attention. So I offered to coach the girls who were in charge of the project to help them create a presentation that would engage, inspire and challenge their audience. Trust me, 7th grade girls can eat you alive if you don’t gear a program that answers the questions What’s in it for me? and Why should I listen to you?

It was such a privilege to work with Nicole Smolenski and Shablis Glover, the SIFE project directors. They were so open and willing to be coached because they really wanted to succeed and more importantly to make an impact on younger women. They remember what it was like to be in 7th grade and they know how hard it can be desperately trying to fit in while secretly hoping to stand out.

Shablis Glover, Kathleen, Nicole Smolenski

Nicole and Shablis entitled their program “Dressing the Girl in the Mirror” which dovetailed off my talk, “Loving the Girl in the Mirror: Reflections of Your True Self.” They took every suggestion I gave them and ran with it. They created a phenomenal PowerPoint presentation that showed similar outfits, each created from name brand stores along with their whopping price tags and then demonstrated how to create that look for less. But they didn’t just tell them – they showed them.

The girls teamed up with a local consignment store and then enlisted the help of their fellow SIFE members as models and created a fashion show that totally rocked the house! It was so amazing and these models of every shape and size really worked it! They showed the girls how cool it can be to be yourself and how to step out in confidence without the designer labels. It was just so powerful to watch girls helping girls and it was such a privilege to be a small part of making that happen.

Click here to see more pics of the fashion show and to see the photos of me presenting to the girls click here!

It’s moments like these that remind me why I do the work that I do. Amidst a world of twittering publicity hounds all vying for the media’s attention in the hopes of becoming the next “big thing” we can sometimes get caught up in all of it and lose our way and wonder how on earth we can begin to be heard and make a difference. And every now and then I get a note like the one below that helps me to know that my voice and my message of hope is being heard… and for that I am so grateful.

My daughter, was a participant in your Young Women’s Leadership Conference the other day in Pennsylvania.

I would like to thank you for inspiring my daughter! She has been talking non-stop about you and your message. She has been through a lot in the past few years… her father & I divorced, her father is not as involved in her life as she would like, I remarried to a wonderful man with three sons, and her Aunt, to whom she is close, was recently diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer. My daughter is a trooper, but often times she internalizes things & then “blows up”. However, in the past couple of days, she is smiling, she’s positive, she is repeating what she heard at the conference & it is amazing!!

Thank you for being such an inspiration & for connecting with my daughter at such an impressionable time in her life!

Parents: Giving Advice to Tweens & Teens

March 5, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

finger wagging doesn't work
Finger wagging advice NEVER works!

The other day I received a request from a journalist who is writing an article for Good Housekeeping and she was looking for tips on how to give advice to tweens and teens. Being right up my alley, I immediately dashed off an email with 9 tips that absolutely flowed out of me and onto the page. I still haven’t heard back from the writer as to whether or not she’ll be quoting me in her article and the way it usually works is you find out just before the publication goes to print. I’m not holding my breath, but just happy to have been asked and figured I may as well share that information with all of you instead of waiting for the article to come out.

So here’s what I wrote to her:

My name is Kathleen Hassan and I am known as The Teen Confidence Coach. I speak at schools, youth conferences and mother/daughter events all over the country. I give lots of advice to teens and tweens as I receive emails daily from girls all over the world… and the best part of all is that they actually listen to me and reach out for help! I have an “Ask” button on my website and encourage girls to email me their burning questions. I answer them either directly via email, in my blog or in a video on YouTube. They really want to be guided and they are desperate for some answers and for some relief from their inner struggle of not being or feeling good enough – just the way they are.

Here are some tips/strategies that I use, and suggest to parents for open communication and for doling out advice:

Be honest and dare to be vulnerable. Share your own experiences as an example of what worked – and what didn’t.
Don’t think you have to know the answers – it’s more about helping them find their truth and providing them with an opportunity to learn how to trust themselves and look within for their own inner guidance.
WIIFM – tweens, teens and everyone for that matter wears a set of imaginary head phones that are tuned into station WIIFM: What’s In It For Me? Make sure to explain and demonstrate how your advice, ideas and suggestions will benefit them.
Avoid the word “should” such as “You should do this… or that”. Absolutely no one likes to be “should” on.
Really listen and affirm what they are going through. For example, if an 11 year old girl gets caught up in the drama of boys and dating and asks “What should I do? The boy I’m crushing on likes someone else!” The last thing you want to do is to pooh-pooh her and say something like “Oh honey, you’re only 11, there will be plenty of time for boys.” Instead, say something like “Wow, I can see that you really like this guy. Tell me what you like about him” or “I can see you’re really struggling with this whole dating thing, let’s talk about it.”
Hire a coach for your daughter. (I have a list of the Top 10 Reasons to Hire a Life Coach for Your Daughter on my website) Girls tend to listen to someone who isn’t their mother! I was recently coaching a twenty-something school teacher who was feeling exhausted and run down. I suggested she might want to think about taking vitamins to supplement her diet. When her mother found out she said “Sarah, I’ve been trying to get you to take vitamins for years and suddenly your coach suggests it, and now you’re taking vitamins?!”
Attend mother/daughter workshops together. A good facilitator asks thought provoking questions that invoke deep and meaningful conversations.
Help them get clear about what they really want while identifying any erroneous or limiting beliefs about the situation. For example, she might think that “everyone has a boyfriend” or “there’s something wrong with me because I don’t have a boyfriend.”
Help them see into the future and think through their decisions. In Alcoholics Anonymous, people in recovery are encouraged to “think through the drink” so they don’t make an emotional decision in the heat of the moment. Ask what their decision will cost them in the long run? The teen brain isn’t fully developed and as a result, they lack the ability to think in the moment. So it is vital that you help them to see in advance what may happen in various scenarios and show they how their decisions and choices could play out.

Please feel free to comment and add your tips and strategies for offering advice to your kids!

Posted in Character Development | Life Skills | Parents | Trust |
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6 things to do before your teen goes away for spring break

March 2, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

I just received this google news alert and thought it was important enough to re-post on my blog for your consideration.

SunSentinel.com
February 27, 2009

No matter where teens are traveling for spring break this year, Family Circle magazine has six things you must do before your teen goes away.

Sit them down and talk to them about the behaviors you expect from them. Reinforce the same things you taught them when they were younger: trust their instincts, don’t wander off with strangers, stress that there is safety in numbers.
Set up communication rules. Find out if your teen’s cell phone will work wherever they are traveling. If it won’t make sure they have money for a pay as you go phone that they can purchase when they arrive. Decide on a specific time every day for your child to call or text you to check in.
Make sure you have all the contact numbers for the hotel where they will be staying. If your child is traveling with a group of friends, make sure you have the numbers of the other parents.
Have an honest conversation with your teen about drinking and drugs, especially if their destination’s drug and alcohol rules differ from the rules in the United States.
Make sure that your teen knows they can call you whenever they need to. In addition to setting up daily check-in times, let your teen know that if they encounter an uncomfortable or dangerous situation, you will be there to talk and help. The more open the lines of communication are between you and your teen, the more likely it is that they will behave responsibly.
Register your teen’s trip with the U.S. Department of State. This free service allows you to record information about their upcoming trip abroad so that the Department of State can assist in case of emergency. Visit https://travelregistration.state.gov/ibrs/ui/.

Character Development

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