Dreams Can Come True

 March 10, 2010 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

When we were little, everything was possible and no dream was out of reach. We were literally playing make-believe and planting a strong and powerful belief in the rich and fertile soil of our minds. Under the right conditions, those dreams can root, grow and blossom into fruition. Yet so often in life, the dreams we had as little girls get crushed, buried or simply fade away.

With today’s technology and with social networking mediums like Facebook and YouTube, many people are using them as powerful platforms to successfully launch their dreams out into the world. Others seem to just magically get discovered through these channels because of the viral nature of this technology.

Imagine being three years old and having your fantasy dream come true? Here is an amazing story that unfolded as a result of YouTube.

I stumbled upon this story last week quite by chance. I recorded the show “Jimmy Kimmel Live” because my all time favorite band, Hall and Oates was supposed to be on it. Sadly their base guitarist, T-Bone passed away suddenly from a massive heart attack and they cancelled their appearance. I watched the whole show anyways hoping for a mention of the band and how they were all doing, but there was no announcement.

When I first saw the clip, I thought it was so adorable and so cool of Jimmy Kimmel to arrange to make that little girl’s dream come true. But ever since then, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the story and it has left me wondering…

  • In the clip, Jimmy mentions that this is as good as it’s going to get for this girl and her dreams. She disagreed and said “No it’s not.” I love how she believes in her life getting better and better, but I can’t help but wonder if she is going to go through a major let down phase following an event of this magnitude at the age of three?
  • Why would a mother video tape her three year old having a melt down and then post it to YouTube?
  • If that kind of whining gets that kind of attention and positive reaction, doesn’t it just reinforce the notion that “she who whines the most gets the prize?”

We live in a world that values fame and everyone is looking for their own fifteen minutes of it. But that kind of power rush is short lived and will never sustain our sense of purpose or unleash our innate potential. As cool as that opportunity was for little Cody and her family, I am more interested in the dreams of those who are striving to make a difference in this world and of those who work tirelessly in pursuit of those dreams.

Sometimes those of us with big, unrealized dreams can become discouraged when it seems like others are out there, going viral and getting “discovered.”

Here are some ways to unearth, rediscover and live your dreams;

  • Think back to when you were little. What did you love to do? When I was three, I starred in a neighborhood garage show. My dad’s workbench was the stage and I raised $5.00 and donated it to a local hospital. i was born to inspire and entertain others, but my dreams got buried when suddenly my dad died when I was ten and then my mother died when I was sixteen. It has been a long journey to rediscover those dreams, but I know now that they never really die and they can be reborn.
  • Ask yourself, if money was no object and you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you love to do? Jot down whatever thoughts or ideas come to you and explore the possibilities without any constraints.
  • Play make believe. When we were little we believed anything was possible. Spend some time day dreaming and dive into that wild mind of yours and have some fun imagining some what-ifs.
  • Sift through all of the challenges and use it all as contrast to help you get clear about what you really want. If you stay focused on the problem, you’ll keep getting more of the same right back at you.

If you need a little help in sorting through it all and figuring out what you want to be when you grow up, then give me a call or email me to find out more about coaching and receive a free 20 minute coaching call.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and reactions about the YouTube video! 

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Posted in Coaching | Law of Attraction | Mother/Daughter | Parents | Trust | Video |
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When Bad is So Good

 December 1, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

What do rockers Keri Hilson, Gwen Stefani and Katy Perry have in common? Besides the obvious of being extremely talented, they have all landed on the celebrity client wish list of those “baddest” girls that up-and-coming designer, Samantha Ferguson would love to see wearing her Donnaccia clothing line.

Can’t you just see Gwen Stefani or Keri Hilson rocking this skirt? 

Imagine Katy Perry on the red carpet wearing this beautiful dress? 

I met Samantha Ferguson while speaking at the Young Women’s Leadership Conference in York, PA. Samantha is a member of SIFE (Students In Free Enterprise) and was one of the models who rocked the fashion show demonstrating how to get the look for less by consignment shopping. As always, I am so inspired and fascinated by young women with a vision which Samantha clearly has. During lunch she told me about her business and brand but with only a few minutes before the next group of girls were to arrive, I still wanted to know more so I asked if we could do a follow up interview for my blog. 

Kathleen:

What’s the name of your fashion design company and how long have you been designing fashion?

Samantha:

Donnaccia is the name of my line and company. I’ve been designing for about 3 years now on a part-time basis while taking classes at York College as a full-time student.

Kathleen:

Who are your favorite designers?

Samantha:

fave designers are; New york Couture (Cassie Kogler) - because everything is unique and she is a hustlin’ and bustlin’ girl like me, she has a very unique and dramatic style ♥ it lol and Betsey Johnson very awkward stuff sometimes, which is different from the norm, stuff that is unusual is very attention grabbing, i don’t like to do what everyone else is doing.

Kathleen:

When did you decide you wanted to be a fashion designer?

Samantha:

I designed my prom dress, and my mom made it. I designed my own dress because there were not any dresses that were my style, and I did not want to blend in with everyone else, I wanted the dress to be memorable, something no one ever saw before. After prom I thought about designing but I was in college and doing a lot of homework. I started taking entrepreneurial classes in my sophomore year which helped me build my dreams into ideas and finally into opportunities.

Kathleen:

Who’s your ideal client and what kind of woman would wear your designs?

Samantha:

I target women who are ‘bad’ though bad in a good way. Strong and independent women/ladies are my target client. I target women who like to be noticed for there achievements, who are not afraid of showing who they are, who are breaking the class ceilings in corporate america yet still having fun. The women/ladies I see wearing my clothes are those that are very influential and willing to play with the boys. I greatly respect women who are independent and not conforming to the norms of society.

Kathleen:

What is your vision or future goals for your design company?

Samantha:

I want to eventually own a boutique. I want to own a boutique that’s half a salon. Salons are important to strong women, to make them feel beautiful and a good place to throw around ideas for entrepreneurs.

Kathleen:

What advice do you have for girls who are interested in a career in fashion?

Samantha:

First, learn a little bit about business. I’ve talked to a lot of fashion designers and they told me that now they have to hire people to run the business for them. Second, try to define yourself from other designers, have a key aspect that your customers will remember you for. Lastly, always have a clear vision of your dreams!

Kathleen:

What companies or designers have you interned for?

Samantha:

I am currently interning from a small business; Bowling Concepts LLC, an online clothing retailer of custom embroidered bowling shirts and retro shirts, and also a western wear website that retails western clothing. I work closely with the owner of the company (an entrepreneur) and learned and am still learning a lot about running my own company.

Kathleen:

Do you have any aspirations to try out for Project Runway or the new show called Launch My Line?

Samantha:

oh, yeah! it would be a great experience and a fun challenge! i would love to do the things that people on the show do, i would love to meet new people, expand my horizons, and also challenge my talents. and develop my designing skills.

Kathleen:

How can someone purchase your clothes?

Samantha:

online at onlyforthebaddest.com, on myspace and find me on facebook

Kathleen:

Your tag line says Bad Clothes for Bad Girls and can you tell me about the line only for the baddest?”

Samantha:

only for the baddest is about uplifting women to be the best they can be in an edgy way. Bad is not bad meaning bad but bad meaning good. A bad girl is one that does not conform to the norms of society and pushes beyond expectations.

Kathleen:

Where do you think your bold sense of confidence comes from?

Samantha:

I never really thought about where my confidence came from. I just know I am in control of my own fate so whatever i do can effect my future and I make decisions according to that. I set goals for myself, both short term and long term and then I set out to accomplish them. That way I am continually challenging myself to grow.

Kathleen:

Any final message for young girls who might be looking up to you?

Samantha:

My message to young girls is to not let other people influence the aspirations they have for their future. More often than not very talented young girls are influenced to do things to satisfy other people, when they should be focused on satisfying themselves. I want girls to know that if you stick to your goals you will achieve them, and let your haters be your motivators.

Samantha Ferguson is certainly someone to watch and follow - so why not follow her on Twitter? @Donnaccia2bad

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Posted in Coaching | Personal Power | Risk-Taking | Self-Confidence |
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Girls Helping Girls

 October 30, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

You don’t have to look very far to get a glimpse of what’s wrong with girls today. Pick up any magazine, peruse your local bookstore, google “teen girls” or turn on the television and view the vast array of in-your-face perspectives of the dark side of growing up girl in today’s image-obsessed culture.  Shows, magazines and even the very self-help experts themselves, portrayed as counter-culture saviors to assist today’s young women maneuver their way through the pitfalls of adolescence, all focus more on the problem and what’s wrong vs. the solution and what’s right with girls today.

All of this can be very overwhelming and there are days that I feel like throwing my hands up in the air and asking “What’s the use?”

Last week, like an answered prayer, I got the shift in perspective I had been asking for and I was filled up with hope watching two young women demonstrating everything that’s right with girls today.  I was invited for the second year in a row to speak to 1500 7th grade girls at the Young Women’s Leadership Conference in York, PA. I was the opening keynote speaker, presented a workshop on body image and then closed the conference with a message of hope and a take action challenge for the girls to find their power within and to dare to step up and make a difference in this world.

The event was held at York College and this year, students from SIFE (Students In Free Enterprise) were to present a 15 minute program to the girls during the conference as part of a community outreach project. The conference planner had told me that in years past, these presentations hadn’t gone over very well and the girls didn’t pay attention.  So I offered to coach the girls who were in charge of the project to help them create a presentation that would engage, inspire and challenge their audience. Trust me, 7th grade girls can eat you alive if you don’t gear a program that answers the questions What’s in it for me? and Why should I listen to you?

It was such a privilege to work with Nicole Smolenski and Shablis Glover, the SIFE project directors. They were so open and willing to be coached because they really wanted to succeed and more importantly to make an impact on younger women.  They remember what it was like to be in 7th grade and they know how hard it can be desperately trying to fit in while secretly hoping to stand out.


Shablis Glover, Kathleen, Nicole Smolenski

Nicole and Shablis entitled their program “Dressing the Girl in the Mirror” which dovetailed off my talk,  “Loving the Girl in the Mirror: Reflections of Your True Self.” They took every suggestion I gave them and ran with it. They created a phenomenal PowerPoint presentation that showed similar outfits, each created from name brand stores along with their whopping price tags and then demonstrated how to create that look for less. But they didn’t just tell them – they showed them.

The girls teamed up with a local consignment store and then enlisted the help of their fellow SIFE members as models and created a fashion show that totally rocked the house! It was so amazing and these models of every shape and size really worked it! They showed the girls how cool it can be to be yourself and how to step out in confidence without the designer labels.  It was just so powerful to watch girls helping girls and it was such a privilege to be a small part of making that happen.

Click here to see more pics of the fashion show and to see the photos of me presenting to the girls click here!

It’s moments like these that remind me why I do the work that I do.  Amidst a world of twittering publicity hounds all vying for the media’s attention in the hopes of becoming the next “big thing” we can sometimes get caught up in all of it and lose our way and wonder how on earth we can begin to be heard and make a difference. And every now and then I get a note like the one below that helps me to know that my voice and my message of hope is being heard… and for that I am so grateful.

My daughter, was a participant in your Young Women’s Leadership Conference the other day in Pennsylvania.

I would like to thank you for inspiring my daughter!  She has been talking non-stop about you and your message.  She has been through a lot in the past few years… her father & I divorced, her father is not as involved in her life as she would like, I remarried to a wonderful man with three sons, and her Aunt, to whom she is close, was recently diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer.  My daughter is a trooper, but often times she internalizes things & then “blows up”.  However, in the past couple of days, she is smiling, she’s positive, she is repeating what she heard at the conference & it is amazing!!

Thank you for being such an inspiration & for connecting with my daughter at such an impressionable time in her life!

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Posted in Body Image | Coaching | Kathleen Hassan | Life Skills | Self-Confidence | Teen Girls |
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Teen Girls: Making the List

 September 29, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Last week at New Jersey’s top-ranked Milburn High School, senior “it” girls circulated their annual “Slut List” of incoming freshman girls. A dozen or more names are written on a piece of notebook paper along with vulgar descriptions and are copied and circulated around the school.

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One might assume that this is just another awful example of girl bullying, but in this case, you’d be wrong. According to William Miron, the principal of Milburn High, this has been going on for a decade and said “We’ve had girls obsessed that their names are on it, and girls who were upset that they didn’t make the list.”

That’s right, some girls actually are disappointed if they don’t make the list! Is this really what girl power is all about? Seriously?

As a Confidence Coach, I help girls learn how to look within, find their truth and autentic power and dare to speak that truth. But has the message of Rachel Simmons’ book “The Curse of the Good Girl” been misconstrued and sent girls careening in the opposite direction towards becoming badder than bad?

I’ll never forget the day in high school when my “so-called” best friend came up to me and in the name of “I thought you’d want to know” informed me that there was a rumor going around school that I was a slut. I felt like I had just been sucker punched. I remember actually laughing and pretending that it didn’t bother me one bit, but inside I was humiliated and mortified.

It was September of my sophomore year of high school and just one month before, my mother died. I was sixteen, alone, scared and was literally looking for love in all the wrong places. My dad died when I was ten so I had no parental guidance whatsoever and had to maneuver my way through this world alone. I was desperate for love and tried to get it in any way I could – and it backfired miserably.

Many years of self-esteem building and therapy sessions later, I am passionately determined to help teen girls find their authentic voice and power and learn how to break free of the societal brainwashing that masquerades as “girl power.”

We live in a culture where becoming well known supercedes just about every other value we hold dear. And it’s not just with our youth, adults buy into this just as much and the acclaim and fame seems to go to those with the biggest friend list on facebook and followers on twitter. Is it any wonder that girls would get a power rush at the mention of their name making it onto any list?

Every single one of us is looking for love in all the wrong places. The fulfillment, the self-worth, the self-respect can only be found within from the source of all love and power. Jesus said “the kingdom of heaven is within you” and Buddha said “look within, thou art the Buddha.”

Stop for a moment and just take a breath. Notice the air as it moves in and out of your body. Quiet your mind and be still. Turn down the volume of the world’s chatter where everyone is clamoring for their spot and just be. Turn your attention inward and listen for that soft and gentle guidance that will lead you towards your best and highest good – better than you could ever imagine.

We really can create anything our heart desires. So why not put all of your energy on creating what you really want instead of wasting another moment of your life hoping to be on some stupid list. The only list I hope to be on is God’s list of those who woke up and remembered the truth about my power of choice to co-create a life beyond my wildest dreams when I connect to the source of all love within.

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Posted in Coaching | Self-Confidence | Self-Esteem | Teen Girls |
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Teen Girl With the Weight of the World on Her Shoulders

 April 9, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

A Response to Jayleene

what can you do when the world’s weight is on your sholders? i feel like i might just break down completely…and then end up Back in Rehab..but instead of outpatient in will be Inpatient…my problem is something that you spoke about when you came to my school..thou it’s not somthing you talked alot about..i guess it’s hard for people to understand what i do..and i don’t feel like saying cause i get judged. or called crazy. so whatever. but i guess i just need help..i need to know what to do so i can help myself..to stop my hurting.

Hi Jayleene – thank you so much for reaching out to me. That is a HUGE accomplishment and it is like your soul is tugging on your sleeve trying to get your attention to wake up and discover your true power.

It doesn’t matter what you’re doing to yourself – drugs, sex, cutting, drinking… whatever. They are all ways that we try to numb our feelings and escape the effects of low self-esteem. The reason your feelings are so heavy and you feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders is because your strategy for trying to control things just isn’t working and you’re trying to change things externally instead of looking within to change the only thing that you can control – your thoughts.

What you think about becomes your reality and you attract back whatever you focus on the most. Learning to control your thoughts and harness the power of your mind can be challenging if you’ve always given in to lazy thoughts or bought into society’s standards about who you “should” be and you haven’t been able to truly know who you are.

The very first thing you need to do is to just breathe. Take a couple of deep, cleansing breaths and just imagine yourself breathing out all of the stress and pain that you’ve been carrying around for so long. Just that simple act can quiet down your mind and help you to feel less stressed and out of control.

From your email, I can see that you’re focused on feeling crummy and insecure and in pain. It will take some effort to shift your thoughts, but try making a list of things that you’re thankful for. It may sound dorky, but it can really help you learn how to train your mind to look for the good instead of the bad. It’s like sending your brain to the gym… you need to give it a good workout.

Then start saying positive things to yourself like:

I am enough

I am good enough

I am a child of God

I have a right to be here

I am loveable

I have a right to love and be loved

Who I am makes a difference

Even if you don’t believe them at first, your soul will recognize it as the truth. Your ego has been running the show and the ego runs on fear. In every moment we have the choice to see the world through the eyes of fear or love. The more you practice this kind of self-talk, the more you develop self-love. Over time it becomes a habit and eventually forms new beliefs within us. That is the way to build up your own self-esteem. Nobody can do it for you, but you have to believe that you are worthy and deserving of a happy life – and you are, simply because you are the beloved child of God.

I would love to coach you to help you shift your thoughts to what you want instead of what you don’t want. But you’d have to talk to your mom or dad about hiring me as your life coach. More and more girls are discovering their power and reaching out and asking for help. The sad thing is that most parents immediately think therapy… and although there are many benefits to therapy, therapy looks backwards and tries to figure out what’s wrong and coaching helps you look at everything as just contrast to help you get clear about what you want and what’s right and then helps you move towards that.

A great life is within your power. You are stronger than you can even believe. How do I know? I have been where you are. Maybe the circumstances are different, but the feelings are the same and I have turned my life around. I know firsthand that this is all possible.  Your soul already knows the truth… and we’re here to remember and return to the source of our true power.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please try some of the suggestions I gave you. Nothing changes unless something changes – and the only thing you have the power to change is YOU.

There is only so much I can do in an email and I really hope you let someone know how much you’re hurting.

GIANT HUGS,

Kathleen

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Posted in Character Development | Coaching | Q&A | Self-Esteem | Teen Girls | Trust |
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Heal Our Young Women ~ Heal the World

 January 20, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

While millions of Americans journied to our nation’s capital to be a part of history in the making, while workers watched the inauguration online through CNN & Facebook, while people from around the world observed the 44th President of the United States of America take his oath of office and pledge his allegiance and service to our great nation, many girls across the country still were unable to shift their focus away from their own inner battles to embrace the power of this day.

In the middle of watching the streaming video from CNN in partnership with Facebook, I received not one, but five emails from teen girls who were all asking me advice on how to be thin, how to be more confident, how to get a guy to like them, how to stop being so shy and quiet – and basically how to be anyone else but who they are.

After watching the whole inaugural celebration starting with Denzel Washington’s opening yesterday to the Reverend Lowery’s impassion benediction today, I have been renewed with such an incredible feeling of hope and confidence. My burning passion to help teen girls to heal their inner conflict has been reignited and I am on fire to continue to do my part to help young women find their voice, their power and place as the ones who will heal the world.

As the Rev. Lowery implored God to help Americans make “choices on the side of love, not hate, on the side of inclusion not exclusion, tolerance not intolerance.” I implore you to help me, help our young women to learn how to choose love over fear – and it must begin by helping girls learn how to love themselves.

In that effort, I am pleased to announce that a publisher has expressed interest in my book “Loving the Girl in the Mirror: Reflections of Your True Self.” The book will focus on aspects of the self: self-knowledge, self-image, self-respect, self-esteem, self-talk, self-care, self-acceptance and ultimately self-love. It will also deal with and help to heal the negative aspects of the self: self-doubt, self-sabotage, self-injury and self-loathing.

I am so grateful to the girls who have dared to reach out to me and ask for help. I love receiving your emails and although I cannot personally respond to all of them – I do respond to many of them and am taking a part of each of them into the essence of this book.

Within the coming weeks, I’ll be announcing a Mother/Daughter Empowerment Workshop Series that I’ll be hosting in my home called Kitchen Counter Conversations. One of the most sacred and powerful relationships in the world is the bond between a mother and her daughter. Yet it can also be one of the most troubling relationships and the source of so much stress and frustration for both the mother and the daughter. Through this endeavor we strive to teach mothers and their daughters how to form a co-creative alliance and partnership that creates a solid foundation of strength and confidence to help girls better handle the challenges “out there” by having the home be a safe and peaceful place for rest, renewal and respect.

So please check back for more information on the series and the book.

Yes We Can!

Dare to Shine in 2009 ~

Kathleen

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Posted in Body Image | Coaching | Self-Confidence | Self-Esteem | Teen Girls |
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Getting a Boyfriend – Even if You’re Shy

 September 13, 2008 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

This video is a response to an email I received from a young woman named Jennifer. Jennifer is 21 and feels like there is something wrong with her because she’s never had a boyfriend. Her self-esteem and self-confidence is at an all time low and she’s afraid it’s her fault because she’s shy. She ask, “How can I be OK with who I am and not care what other people think about me?”

In this video, I help Jennifer understand that her beliefs are creating her reality. A belief is just a thought that we’ve played over and over again in our minds and accepted it as our truth. What you think about you attract. And if you think that it’s not OK to be quiet and shy and that there is something wrong with you, then you’ll only attract more situations that make you feel inferior for being who you are. When you learn how to love and accept yourself just the way that you are, in that place of pure love there’s no room for fear.

 

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Kathleen Hassan – The Teen Confidence Coach

 June 10, 2008 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

I’m so excited!! I have joined the ranks of millions of other “You Tubers” and am now the director of my own channel on You Tube!! I am also working with a new intern this summer and she has been a gift from heaven above. Her name is Eileen O’Neill and she has brought so much joy and creativity into my work.

Eileen and I have created several new videos to help teen girls become the amazing women they were born to be.

Here is my directorial debut video on You Tube:

 

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