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Society… We Have a Problem Here

February 16, 2012 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Has our world gone totally and utterly mad? There has been much reaction to the reemergence of Chris Brown from woman beater to grammy-winning star, but probably the most shocking and frightening have been the tweets and posts from young women.

You can click on the link above to see all the responses, but here are a few:

Call me crazy butttt I would let Chris Brown beat me up anyyyy day

O.K. YOU’RE CRAZY!

Everyone shut up about Chris Brown being a woman beater… Shiiiittt he can beat me up all night if he wants

ARE YOU SHIIIITTTING ME?

I don’t know why Rhianna complained. Chris Brown could beat me anytime he wanted to.

SERIOUSLY? YOU DON’T KNOW WHY SHE COMPLAINED?

Attention Girls! Domestic violence is not hot… even if you think he is! Unfortunately these controversial and contrarian comments did exactly what these girls wanted them to do - get attention. Sadly our current culture seems to be hyper focused on becoming well known and famous and less and less concerned about becoming good and productive citizens.

One might argue that 25 comments does not exemplify nor speak for an entire society, but this sampling is but a microcosm of the whole and represents an undercurrent of skewed values and a cry for renewed attention to character development and morality. My good friend and colleague, Dr. Robyn Silverman is a Character Development Specialist and had this reaction “It amazes me in a horribly disturbing way that people would glorify domestic violence in their own head and then tweet about it. What a society we live in where celebrity, charisma and appearance take precedence over character, good sense, safety, and self worth.”

So where do we go from here? Hopefully we’ve hit bottom and there is nowhere to go but up! One thing is for certain, our children and young women especially need us now more than ever before. Girls need to be taught and guided to find their voice and authentic power within, to understand that love and self-esteem must begin with self-respect and be reminded of just how big of a role they play in our lives now, and in the future.

We need our girls to step up, and lead the world from a place of love, character and self-worth. The fate of our world is in their hands.

To say my fate is not tied to your fate is like saying: “Your end of the boat is sinking.” - Hugh Downs

We are all in this boat together. Please let allow me the opportunity to inspire your girls and to show them how to find their power and true essence within.

Ain’t It Shocking What… Drugs Can Do

February 13, 2012 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

100+ people die every day from drug overdoses who aren’t Whitney Houston. Yes, I am saddened by the loss of such a beautiful and talented woman. Yes, I was moved to tears by the comments and tribute to her at the Grammy’s this evening. And yes, her voice and songs inspired me and were such an integral part of the music of my generation. But no, I am not surprised at all and I can’t help but feel like here we go again. Another public, over-the-top spectacle over one person who lost their life due to addiction, when so many ordinary nobody’s lose their battle with drugs and alcohol every single day.

According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, CDC, in 2007, nearly 100 persons per day died of drug overdoses in the United States. In 2008, drug overdoses in the United States caused 36,450 deaths. What’s even more shocking is that overdose deaths involving opioid pain relievers (OPR), have increased and now exceed deaths involving heroin and cocaine combined. The epidemic of prescription drug overdoses in the United States has worsened over the last decade and according to the US Department of Health and Human Services, CDC, National Center for Health Statistics, by 2010, enough OPR were sold to medicate every American adult with a typical dose of 5 mg of hydrocodone every 4 hours for 1 month!

So what does Whitney Houston’s death and all these staggering statistics have to do with teen girls and self-esteem? In regards to the specific needs of adolescent girls, the use and abuse rates for adolescent girls are continuing to rise, while the rates for boys have witnessed a recent decline. Adolescent girls have higher rates of binge drinking, are introduced to substance use at an earlier age, and are physically and developmentally affected more by substance use and abuse than boys. In addition, there are a number of other major risk factors that predispose girls to substance use and abuse when compared to boys. These include:

—> Rates of co-occurring disorders such as depression, anxiety and panic attacks are higher in girls, and there is a clear correlation between depression and the development of substance use and abuse.
—> Trauma, abuse, and sexual related issues are primary factors leading to substance abuse in girls.
—> Girls tend to use drugs and alcohol to initiate and maintain intimate relationships and alcohol is often a gateway in dating and acceptance.
—> Self-consciousness and validation are prominent with girls and body image issues and eating disorders develop aggressively in adolescence. Adolescent girls tend to initially use alcohol, tobacco, and drugs to suppress appetite and manage their weight.

As a coach and on a more personal level, I see more and more girls suffering from acute anxiety ranging from hair pulling and self-harm to eating disorders and full blown panic attacks. There is so much pressure on girls today to be “all that” and once girls are at the college level, there’s an assumption that they should have it all together and figured out by then, which only prompts more self-medication to try and fit in.

With more and more doctors writing prescriptions, “now the burden of dangerous drugs is being created more by a few irresponsible doctors than by drug pushers on street corners” said CDC chief Thomas Frieden. According to a prominent Boston physician in the recovery field and whom shall remain anonymous as he is also a member of a 12 step recovery program, said that once these kids are hooked on illegal prescription drugs, it is one of the hardest addictions to break.

Just last year, a 25 year old girl named Meghan, who had gone to high school with my son and who i tried to help get clean and sober, hung herself from a tree in her mother’s backyard. She just could not get off the drugs.

Perhaps instead of spending the next few days giving all our attention to the shows, tweets, facebook comments, memorials and tributes to a fallen star, we might shift our focus and see this as a giant wake up call. Maybe all those larger-than-life personalities like Whitney, Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson, Heath Ledger were all chosen by God to get our attention. Because somehow we’re not paying enough attention to those like Meghan.

The other day Elle Febbo, author and creator of the Make it Matter program said to me, “Kathleen, your work matters. You’re not just changing lives… you’re saving lives.” I am humbled by this comment and I pray that God continues to use me to help more girls to build their self-esteem and find their light, truth and power within. If Whitney Houston’s death is our wake-up call, I’m wide awake and ready to serve.

Rest in peace, Whitney & Meghan

Facebook & Self-Esteem: LMS for The Truth

February 12, 2012 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

“Using Facebook can be bad for people with low self-esteem,” suggests a new study in the journal Psychological Science. Duh? Do we really need a research study to tell us that?

Canadian researchers found people with low self-esteem deluge their Facebook friends with negative details about their lives, which makes them less likeable. According to study author Amanda Forest, a graduate student at the University of Waterloo, in Ontario, “If you’re talking to somebody in person and you say something, you might get some indication that they don’t like it, that they’re sick of hearing your negativity,” But when people have a negative reaction to a post on Facebook, they tend to keep it to themselves.

Guilty. I have kept this one to myself for far too long. As a woman who has worked all her life to build her own self-esteem and has dedicated her work to inspiring and teaching teen girls and young women how to do the same, I have had to admit there have been so many times that I’ve wanted to cyber scream (aka POST IN ALL CAPS) some pretty negative reactions to the most current and irking posting trend from girls today….

LMS or Like My Status.

There are several variations on this cloying cry for attention;

lms for truth - which is kind of a virtual truth or dare (minus the dare) and anyone who hits the “like” button will get a truth from that poster on their page. It has taken every ounce of restraint for me not to comment. If I had this is what I would say: How ‘bout just being truthful all the time? or Does that mean the rest of the time you’re not telling the truth?

LMS and ill give you a compliment. ( : If you only knew how much people would really like you - the real you, if you stopped asking people to like you and actually gave sincere compliments out - without any expectation of what you’d get in return. We learned the Golden Rule in kindergarten and it still applies girls and always will.

lms - a confession for every like. Seriously? Once I actually had to block a girl as her twenty and counting confessions kept showing up in my newsfeed. I sent her a private message and asked her to reconsider what she was doing. Nobody needs or wants to know and this is the kind of thing that is between you and God and maybe a parent or closest friend.

10 likes, and ill say my top 5 bestfriends ♥ This one, by far is the most dangerous one of all and is a subtle form of relational aggression and even the little heart at the end cannot disguise the fact that this kind of post has the power to hurt anyone who didn’t make the cut.

There are so many incredible ways that Facebook has revolutionized the way we interact and communicate. As a social networking site, business deals are made and companies are branded. Families keep in touch across the miles and grandmothers in sunny Florida get to see up to the minute photos of their precious new-born grandbaby in Chicago. Long lost high school crushes are found 30 years later and the lines between cliques blur as we reunite with kids we graduated with, as we compare our lives from then to now.

But for girls today, Facebook can sometimes be a tough place to hang out as evidenced by these actual posts:

Facebook honestly makes everyone hate each other…...

I hate those people who can post a status about eating dinner and get 30 likes.

feelin ignored . . . #lonely

LMS for The Truth:

Here’s a helping hand to help you do Facebook right! My friend and colleague, Gail Hand speaks on smart social networking and came up with a way to give college students a “hand” in thinking before they post. Gail came up with the 5 W’s and I added the 6th - which when it comes to teen girls could be the most important one of all.

==> Who is going to see this? Trust me, your parents, your boss and even the cops have ways to see your page, even if you purposely block them. Don’t believe me? See for yourself how one dad teaches his daughter a lesson she’ll never forget when he found his daughter’s negative comments on her page! He wasn’t snooping, but stumbled upon her page after uploading a cute pic of their dog to the family dog’s Facebook page!! Apparently the girl forgot to block the dog!!

==> What are you trying to accomplish? Are you out to hurt someone by your post or are you trying to get people to like you? Either way, you’ll get back exactly what you put out there. If you’re not getting enough attention, it’s because you’re the one who isn’t paying enough attention to yourself. By checking in and asking yourself these questions before you post, you’re literally paying attention to yourself and you will get more of that back from others.

==> Where could this post end up? That teacher that you wrote about in confession 3: i hate my la teacher!!!!! (then goes on to say who that is in a subsequent comment) could be the one who decides on your scholarship to your dream college.

==> Why are you posting it? There is already too much noise online. Are you adding to the noise or do you have something important to say?

==> When could it come back to haunt you? All it takes is one person to hit “share” or repost what you said for something to go viral. The thing about online reputations is that once something is out there - it never goes away. Do you really want to lose your dream job interview because the employer saw a picture of you passed out on the front lawn of a party?

==> Would I say it to someone’s face? It’s so much easier to sit behind a screen and make negative comments on somebody’s post or status update when you’re not looking them in the eyes. But would you say it to their face? Nine out of ten the answer will be no.

So the lesson here is pause before you post… and while you’re at it… please LMS!!

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Society… We Have a Problem Here

Ain’t It Shocking What… Drugs Can Do

Facebook & Self-Esteem: LMS for The Truth