Back to School Self-Esteem Check Up

 August 31, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Back to School

New clothes… check.

School supplies… check.

New shoes… check.

It’s that time again! Some kids are nervous, others are excited and just about every parent is ecstatic because it feels so good to get back to a schedule, have some alone time and above all know where your kids are, that they are safe and hopefully they are learning.

Lots of preparation goes into gearing up for a new school year. Athletes are required to have a physical check up before playing any sports. But what about a self-esteem check up? How we feel about ourselves as we enter into any new situation will have a dramatic effect on whether we succeed or fail.

So how does one go about this type of self-esteem check up? First we have to know what self-esteem is all about. There are two components that form a person’s self-esteem: competence and worthiness.

Competence is developed by getting good at something through disciplined effort and practice. So if you’ve successfully made it through your previous school year, chances are you are on your way to developing the competence you’ll need to make it through this new school year. We develop competence by daring to take risks and trying new things which builds and strengthens our confidence muscles and as a result, we keep growing and getting better.

The worthiness aspect of self-esteem is a little more difficult to explain and quantify because it is more of a deep sense of belief or knowing.

There are so many factors that can contribute to a person’s sense of self-worth:

  • Parental influence – a warm, loving and nurturing environment helps to foster an individual’s sense of self-worth.
  • Culture & Economic Status – buying into cultural beliefs and determining your value and self-worth according to your bank account balance and your “place” in society.
  • Faith – a belief in a Higher Power; to be created in the image and likeness of the creator fosters a sense trust and worthiness, knowing that we are being guided and supported.
  • Resiliency & Stress Hardiness – some people just intuitively know how to bounce back and look for the lessons learned from every situation. They foster an inner knowing that things always have a way of working out.
  • Self-talk – the way we talk to ourselves has a dramatic effect on our self-esteem and self-worth.

Take Action Challenge: Here are 5 Steps you can take to do your own Self-Esteem Check Up to ensure a very successful school year.

  1. Take stock of where you are right now. Awareness is the very first step to create change in your life. If you don’t know where you’re starting from, how can you get to where you want to go? On a scale of 1 to 10, rate your self-esteem now.

  2. Ask yourself the following questions:
    • Have I been successful in previous years at school?
      • If yes: what did I do to make it a good year?
      • If no: what will I need to do differently this year to make it a great year?
    • Do I blame my parents and others for my sense of self-worth?
    • Do I believe that money and status makes a person better than others?
    • Do I bounce back quickly from set-backs?
    • How do I talk to myself – in kind, loving supportive ways or in harsh, critical and judgmental ways?

    3.  

  3. Take responsibility for your own happiness and well-being. Make a proclamation and say “Today I am officially letting everyone off the hook for my own happiness. From this moment on, I am the one responsible for becoming all that I was born to be.”

    4.  

  4. Let go of the blame game and be willing to forgive anyone who hasn’t lived up to your expectations. Expectations lead to resentments and resentments only wind up hurting ourselves. It’s like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die, or like my colleague Jeff Yalden says, “Holding on to anger and resentment is like wetting your pants. You’re the only one who feels it, but everyone else can see it!”

    5.  

  5. Spend more time working on your insides than you do on your outsides with the following three tools:

    Visualization: Schedule some quiet time to picture in your mind how you want this school year to go. Paint the future in advance by seeing yourself succeed. Play “make believe” – just like you did when you were a little kid. Most people say “I’ll believe it when I see it.” But the opposite is actually true, you’ll see it “the results” when you believe it. And you do that by putting new beliefs into your mind through creative visualization. 

    Affirmations: Our thoughts become our reality – wanted or not. So start saying positive things to yourself and watch your life change for the better. Talk to yourself in a supportive way saying things like “I know this is going to be a great year” or “I have what it takes to succeed this year.” We teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves – so start treating yourself the way you wish others would treat you.

    Meditation: prayer is when you ask your higher power for what you want, but meditation is when you listen for your answers. Spend some time being quiet and you will develop your own intuitive guidance system that will lead you in the direction of your dreams.

Whether you are a student, parent or teacher, may this school year, be your best year yet!

P.S. Speaking of living your dreams… my friend, Elaine Spitz just interviewed me about my passion for helping others live their dreams in her blog… check it out!

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The Power of a Dream

 August 19, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

On June 10, 2009 my son Alex was drafted by the Boston Red Sox and his life long dream had finally come true. It was without a doubt one of the most agonizing and emotional days of my life.

For the past year Alex had been heavily scouted and most of the scouts assured him that they would take him somewhere in the top ten rounds. I was glued to my computer in my office and Alex was on his laptop in the family room. My heart and spirit dropped when we moved into the eleventh round and his name had not been called. Alex came into my office and said “Well, I can always go back to school and hope it happens next year.”

And then suddenly the phone started ringing off the hook!! Calls came in from the San Diego Padres, the Seattle Mariners, the Chicago Cubs and the Boston Red Sox. My son fielded inquiries like a pro and to my utter surprise turned down their offers! He wasn’t being greedy, but he clearly knew his value and worth and also knew that a degree from Duke University (whether he’d return for his senior year or sign in his junior year) was his bargaining chip.

By the 20th round, I was near tears and he was amazingly calm and at one point said to me, “Well, it looks like this isn’t happening this year. It’s OK Mom.”  Then the Chicago Cubs called back and offered him the kind of money he had been originally asking for and they said that Alex was going to be their next pick. The Cubs next pick was only 3 teams away and then all of a sudden as we were watching the screen, now both huddled in front of his laptop, and we heard and saw “The Boston Red Sox select Alex Hassan as their 2009, 20th Round Draft Pick.”

We both just looked at each other in total shock and then all of a sudden we both started screaming, laughing, crying, hugging and jumping up and down!  It was a miracle and nothing that we could’ve planned or orchestrated ourselves. But this was only the beginning and far from being a done deal.

Let the negotiations begin!

Alex had been drafted as a right handed pitcher and had played as both a pitcher and position player all through high school and college. He had been invited back for his second summer to play for the Cape Cod Baseball League playing for the Orleans Firebirds as the right fielder and as the closer on the mound. He had a fabulous summer both at the plate and on the mound and now the Red Sox were beginning to see him and like him more as a position player.

There is so much more to the story, but on August 1st, Alex accepted the Red Sox’ offer and signed and became an official card-carrying member of The Boston Red Sox! He was immediately assigned to the rookie league, The Lowell Spinners and has been playing right field and is doing phenomenally well. He’s been on a huge hitting streak and recently was named “Player of the Game” and was also highlighted in a fabulous interview on the Spinner’s blog.

Alex Hassan - Player of the Game!
Alex Hassan - Player of the Game!

It has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions this summer and I couldn’t be more proud of my son. Through it all, there have been some important lessons that I’d like to share with you.

  • Never underestimate the power of a dream but be willing to let go of how you think it’s supposed to happen and allow God to handle all the details.
  • Your choices either lead you towards your goals or away from them. My son doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs. He is an athelete and has had to make some really tough decisions and has learned how to say “no thanks” with so much grace and dignity. As a result, he has gained respect from his friends and most importantly, has developed self-respect.
  • Never let the odds get in the way of your dreams and goals. Becoming a professional baseball player is a one in a million shot, but my son is one in a million and I never let him forget that.
  • Don’t quit five minutes before the miracle happens. There have been so many times that my son wanted to give up and give into the negative thoughts swirling around in his head. But all of our power lies in the present moment and in our ability to shift our thoughts away from fear and doubt and return to the awesome power of love. All things are possible when we look through the lenses of love and possibility thinking. Alex just kept telling himself “I love this game and I was born to play baseball.”
  • Let go and let God. There’s a funny expression that says “Wanna make God laugh? Tell him your plans!” My husband and I had our house on the market for over six months without so much as a nibble. My plan was to up and move to California, but God reminded me that for now, I am a member of Red Sox Nation! Oooohhh Oooohhh Boston you’re my home!

Alex Hassan - Red Sox Nation
Red Sox Nation!

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