Oscar Buzz: Forget Best Dressed… How About Best Message

 March 23, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

A.R. Rahman

Last night I was in awe watching the Academy Awards. Not because of the designer gowns, the red carpet parade of who’s who celebs, but because of the powerful and gentle message delivered by A.R. Rahman in his acceptance speech for winning his second Oscar of the night.

Rahman received Oscars for Best Original Score and Best Original Song – both for the song “Jai Ho” from the movie “Slumdog Millionaire.”  The composer was soft-spoken and unassuming and spoke from his heart. He ended the acceptance speech by saying something in his native language and I had to google it this morning to find out that he said “God is great” in Tamil, something he says after winning every award.

“All my life I had a choice between hate and love. I chose love and I am here”, were his concluding words.

Each one of us has the opportunity to choose love over hate in every moment of every day. Any time you feel resistance in your body; when you react to any situation with fear, anger, resentment or jealousy, when you catch yourself joining in on gossip about somone who is not there to defend herself, when you judge yourself or others harshly or when you withhold forgiveness from yourself or others and cling to the past – these are all perfect opportunities to practice choosing love.

My friend, Karen Paolino  just wrote a book called “What Would Love Do?” and it is a great question to ask yourself when life provides you with yet another opportunity disguised as a challenge or problem.

When you choose love – everybody wins and this is the only choice we can make that can ever heal the world. We may never get to see how our everyday choices affect others. We may never find ourselves on a stage receiving an academy award for our choices, but how glorious it was to see it happen to someone else and have him give all the glory to God. 

Love or Hate? How will you choose today?

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Parents: Giving Advice to Tweens & Teens

 March 5, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

finger wagging doesn't work
Finger wagging advice NEVER works!

The other day I received a request from a journalist who is writing an article for Good Housekeeping and she was looking for tips on how to give advice to tweens and teens. Being right up my alley, I immediately dashed off an email with 9 tips that absolutely flowed out of me and onto the page. I still haven’t heard back from the writer as to whether or not she’ll be quoting me in her article and the way it usually works is you find out just before the publication goes to print. I’m not holding my breath, but just happy to have been asked and figured I may as well share that information with all of you instead of waiting for the article to come out.

So here’s what I wrote to her:

My name is Kathleen Hassan and I am known as The Teen Confidence Coach. I speak at schools, youth conferences and mother/daughter events all over the country. I give lots of advice to teens and tweens as I receive emails daily from girls all over the world… and the best part of all is that they actually listen to me and reach out for help! I have an “Ask” button on my website and encourage girls to email me their burning questions. I answer them either directly via email, in my blog or in a video on YouTube. They really want to be guided and they are desperate for some answers and for some relief from their inner struggle of not being or feeling good enough – just the way they are. 

Here are some tips/strategies that I use, and suggest to parents for open communication and for doling out advice:

  • Be honest and dare to be vulnerable. Share your own experiences as an example of what worked – and what didn’t.
  • Don’t think you have to know the answers – it’s more about helping them find their truth and providing them with an opportunity to learn how to trust themselves and look within for their own inner guidance.
  • WIIFM – tweens, teens and everyone for that matter wears a set of imaginary head phones that are tuned into station WIIFM: What’s In It For Me? Make sure to explain and demonstrate how your advice, ideas and suggestions will benefit them.
  • Avoid the word “should” such as “You should do this… or that”. Absolutely no one likes to be “should” on.
  • Really listen and affirm what they are going through. For example, if an 11 year old girl gets caught up in the drama of boys and dating and asks “What should I do? The boy I’m crushing on likes someone else!” The last thing you want to do is to pooh-pooh her and say something like “Oh honey, you’re only 11, there will be plenty of time for boys.” Instead, say something like “Wow, I can see that you really like this guy. Tell me what you like about him” or “I can see you’re really struggling with this whole dating thing, let’s talk about it.”
  • Hire a coach for your daughter. (I have a list of the Top 10 Reasons to Hire a Life Coach for Your Daughter on my website) Girls tend to listen to someone who isn’t their mother! I was recently coaching a twenty-something school teacher who was feeling exhausted and run down. I suggested she might want to think about taking vitamins to supplement her diet. When her mother found out she said “Sarah, I’ve been trying to get you to take vitamins for years and suddenly your coach suggests it, and now you’re taking vitamins?!”
  • Attend mother/daughter workshops together. A good facilitator asks thought provoking questions that invoke deep and meaningful conversations.
  • Help them get clear about what they really want while identifying any erroneous or limiting beliefs about the situation. For example, she might think that “everyone has a boyfriend” or “there’s something wrong with me because I don’t have a boyfriend.” 
  • Help them see into the future and think through their decisions. In Alcoholics Anonymous, people in recovery are encouraged to “think through the drink” so they don’t make an emotional decision in the heat of the moment. Ask what their decision will cost them in the long run? The teen brain isn’t fully developed and as a result, they lack the ability to think in the moment. So it is vital that you help them to see in advance what may happen in various scenarios and show they how their decisions and choices could play out.

Please feel free to comment and add your tips and strategies for offering advice to your kids!

 

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Posted in Character Development | Life Skills | Parents | Trust |
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6 things to do before your teen goes away for spring break

 March 2, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

I just received this google news alert and thought it was important enough to re-post on my blog for your consideration.

SunSentinel.com
  February 27, 2009

No matter where teens are traveling for spring break this year, Family Circle magazine has six things you must do before your teen goes away.

  1. Sit them down and talk to them about the behaviors you expect from them. Reinforce the same things you taught them when they were younger: trust their instincts, don’t wander off with strangers, stress that there is safety in numbers.
  2. Set up communication rules. Find out if your teen’s cell phone will work wherever they are traveling. If it won’t make sure they have money for a pay as you go phone that they can purchase when they arrive. Decide on a specific time every day for your child to call or text you to check in.
  3. Make sure you have all the contact numbers for the hotel where they will be staying. If your child is traveling with a group of friends, make sure you have the numbers of the other parents.
  4. Have an honest conversation with your teen about drinking and drugs, especially if their destination’s drug and alcohol rules differ from the rules in the United States.
  5. Make sure that your teen knows they can call you whenever they need to. In addition to setting up daily check-in times, let your teen know that if they encounter an uncomfortable or dangerous situation, you will be there to talk and help. The more open the lines of communication are between you and your teen, the more likely it is that they will behave responsibly.
  6. Register your teen’s trip with the U.S. Department of State. This free service allows you to record information about their upcoming trip abroad so that the Department of State can assist in case of emergency. Visit https://travelregistration.state.gov/ibrs/ui/.
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