Daring to Disagree: Taking the Sting Out of Queen Bees & Wannabees

 January 28, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

For most of my life, I was a people pleaser; afraid to rock the boat and speak my truth. But thankfully because I walk my talk and practice what I preach, I have dared to go deep within and have found my voice and my true power. As a result, I am no longer willing to acquiesce to the opinion or acclaimed wisdom of others when I just don’t agree – even if that other person is a best-selling author and her book was the basis of a hit movie.

I recently attended a program by the author of Queen Bees & Wannabees who spoke about girls and bullying. I walked out of the auditorium feeling uneasy and the energy in the room was palpably heavy. The woman I went with, who also works in this field, took voracious notes and loved it. I wrestled with these feelings for days and then about a week later it hit me – I just do not agree with this woman’s approach and I believe that if we keep focusing on the “reality” or the problem, we’re only going to attract more of the same back to us. I believe we need to shift our focus back to the cause (the mind/heart/spirit of girls) rather than focusing on the effect (mean girls and bullying) or things will never change.

I feel like I’m taking on Goliath as everyone made such a big deal over this author, paid her big bucks and her book was what the movie “Mean Girls” was based upon. This is an entire culture that has bought into this fear-based “reality.” As a matter of fact, the speaker, Rosalind Wiseman’s opening comment was “We live in a fear-based culture.” Duh, tell me something I don’t know.

I do believe that Ms. Wiseman is making an impact and her book has shed a light on the issues that so many girls face in our culture and society. In her talk she said that she doesn’t really care whether people like her or not, but that her hope was that her program will get people talking. I’ll give her credit for that because she certainly got me thinking and talking about it.

But I guess for me, the most valuable thing that has come out of this experience has been the realization of how, for most of my life, I have cared too much about whether or not people like me. The good news is that finally I have learned to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks about me and care more deeply about what I think. And as long as I stay connected to God and continually ask for His divine guidance, well then that’s all that really matters.

I was nudged by God to dare to write this article. My hope is that it will help girls become aware of how much they care about what others think about them and then to inspire them to go deeper, to connect to their higher power and their highest self and discover their own truth.

So how do you do that? You start by slowing down and learning how to quiet your mind. Our busy mind chatter is like static on an old fashioned radio. When you practice being still, focusing on your breath and quieting down your thoughts, it’s as if you’ve turned your dial, adjusted your station and tuned into the channel that allows you to receive the transmission that leads to your truth.

There’s no law that says you have to tune in, but unless you do, you will be forever looking outside of yourself for your answers and thinking that everyone knows more, has more, is more than you – and you will never be enough.

The answers you seek are inside of you… and your truth will set you free. Because only then will you dare to disagree and by doing so you bless both you and me.

rss feed
Posted in Self-Esteem | Teen Girls | Trust |
Comments (0)

Heal Our Young Women ~ Heal the World

 January 20, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

While millions of Americans journied to our nation’s capital to be a part of history in the making, while workers watched the inauguration online through CNN & Facebook, while people from around the world observed the 44th President of the United States of America take his oath of office and pledge his allegiance and service to our great nation, many girls across the country still were unable to shift their focus away from their own inner battles to embrace the power of this day.

In the middle of watching the streaming video from CNN in partnership with Facebook, I received not one, but five emails from teen girls who were all asking me advice on how to be thin, how to be more confident, how to get a guy to like them, how to stop being so shy and quiet – and basically how to be anyone else but who they are.

After watching the whole inaugural celebration starting with Denzel Washington’s opening yesterday to the Reverend Lowery’s impassion benediction today, I have been renewed with such an incredible feeling of hope and confidence. My burning passion to help teen girls to heal their inner conflict has been reignited and I am on fire to continue to do my part to help young women find their voice, their power and place as the ones who will heal the world.

As the Rev. Lowery implored God to help Americans make “choices on the side of love, not hate, on the side of inclusion not exclusion, tolerance not intolerance.” I implore you to help me, help our young women to learn how to choose love over fear – and it must begin by helping girls learn how to love themselves.

In that effort, I am pleased to announce that a publisher has expressed interest in my book “Loving the Girl in the Mirror: Reflections of Your True Self.” The book will focus on aspects of the self: self-knowledge, self-image, self-respect, self-esteem, self-talk, self-care, self-acceptance and ultimately self-love. It will also deal with and help to heal the negative aspects of the self: self-doubt, self-sabotage, self-injury and self-loathing.

I am so grateful to the girls who have dared to reach out to me and ask for help. I love receiving your emails and although I cannot personally respond to all of them – I do respond to many of them and am taking a part of each of them into the essence of this book.

Within the coming weeks, I’ll be announcing a Mother/Daughter Empowerment Workshop Series that I’ll be hosting in my home called Kitchen Counter Conversations. One of the most sacred and powerful relationships in the world is the bond between a mother and her daughter. Yet it can also be one of the most troubling relationships and the source of so much stress and frustration for both the mother and the daughter. Through this endeavor we strive to teach mothers and their daughters how to form a co-creative alliance and partnership that creates a solid foundation of strength and confidence to help girls better handle the challenges “out there” by having the home be a safe and peaceful place for rest, renewal and respect.

So please check back for more information on the series and the book.

Yes We Can!

Dare to Shine in 2009 ~

Kathleen

rss feed
Posted in Body Image | Coaching | Self-Confidence | Self-Esteem | Teen Girls |
Comments (0)

We Are One ~ Yes We Can!

 January 20, 2009 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

I am in awe of the entire inauguration. My hope is that parents use this as an opportunity to open up meaningful communication with their kids and will focus on the underlying message of love and faith that was so clearly demonstrated throughout each speech, song and prayer.

My greatest concern and greatest hope for our nation is in the hands of the young women of our country. It astounds me that during the inauguration I still received emails from teen girls who are struggling with inner conflict. Until we help these young women to heal, there is no possible way for them to espouse what is to me the greatest quote of today’s proceedings, “love your neighbor as you love yourself.”

I watched part of it through CNN and Facebook and am astounded by this new technology which allowed me to be part of something bigger than just me at my computer. But then I switched to the TV and sat there weeping and applauding and a few times jumped up and gave a standing ovation.

God bless America – Indeed!! What an amazing moment in history. I’m so thankful to be a part of it all.

rss feed
Posted in Character Development | Parents | Self-Esteem | Spirituality | Teen Girls |
Comments (0)