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Who the Hell Do You Think You Are? How to Reclaim Your Power

March 20, 2012 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Even the most successful people in the world, if they are truly honest, will admit to moments of self-doubt and insecurity. Just the other night, during an interview on Oprah’s Next Chapter, Lady Gaga admitted that there have been times - even now amidst all her fame, fortune and 21 million Twitter followers, that she has felt totally worthless. So who the hell does she think she is? On occasion - nobody.

Recently my friend and colleague, Dr. Robyn Silverman wrote an outstanding blog post detailing the obstacles that prevent many women from becoming powerful leaders. Nestled smack dab in the middle of her list of seven self-sabotaging stumbling blocks that keep women playing small, #4 jumped out at me, grabbed me by the throat in a choke-hold and it wouldn’t let go until I stopped, looked at it and then wrote about it.

4. The ‘who the heck do you think you are’ complex?

I could surely relate to all seven of the deadly sins that we women commit against ourselves every day, but #4 for me was the mother load because it was my own mother who programmed that one into my consciousness. Except she didn’t use the word “heck” when she glared at me and demanded the response to “Who the hell do you think you are?” and with eyes locked on me in a penetrating vice grip, she would not let go until I replied, “I’m nobody.”

Any attempt at a different response, such as “But I thought…” was met with the same deadly stare and would prompt another equally damaging and no-win query, “Oh you thought? Well, you know what thought did?” and once again, she’d wait until I delivered the only response that would loosen her death-grip hold, and I’d say, “Thought wrong?” It was as if this was the only way to win her approval and the only time she ever said “You got that right.”

From as early as I can remember, I was programmed not to think for myself and that I’m nobody.

Ironically, in a culture that espouses the concept of “you’re nobody till somebody retweets you” we are equally programmed and brainwashed to believe that we must strive to be somebody, to get noticed, to be special, to get discovered, to become famous in order to make our mark on the world.

The greatest difference we can make in this world, is to heal our own wounds and see past the illusion of unworthiness. But just how to do we do that?

How do we reclaim our power?

Awareness: Real empowerment is when we recognize and honor those feelings rather than pushing them down or pretending they’re not there. Being powerful doesn’t mean we’re perfect, or that we never succumb to those feelings, but it is a decision to no longer see yourself as a victim in any way.

Forgiveness: We must forgive those who imposed, inflicted and projected their own insecurities upon us. Forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning the behavior of others, but we reclaim our own power by no longer being willing to carry around the burden of toxic thoughts and feelings.

Consciousness: Pay attention to your own thoughts. Whether you call it the ego, the inner critic, the gremlin, the monkey mind, the devil or my favorite the itty bitty shitty committee - we must recognize the voice within that tries to keep us playing small. Then we must consciously choose better feeling thoughts that build us up rather than tear us down.

Choose Happiness: Stop playing the blame game and waiting for things (or other people) to change so you can be happy. Happiness is a decision and self-esteem and self-confidence is an inside job. It takes hard work, mental discipline and a willingness to see things differently.

Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” No matter who programmed in your feelings of unworthiness, you’re the only one who can choose how you will live your life.

Bitter or Better? Victim or Victorious? The choice is up to you!

So, who the hell do you think you are?

Only you can answer that for yourself and take back your power.

Everything that ever happened has made me the woman I am today and I wouldn’t change a thing. And if and when I hear that voice that demands the answer to the question “Who the hell do you think you are?” I just smile and say “I’m me!”

Princess Swagger: Empowered or Entitled?

March 8, 2012 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Yesterday was International Women’s Day and the social media sites were buzzing with posts and tweets celebrating and recognizing the “sheroes” who inspire and empower us and the role models and leaders who change our world. However, amidst all that woman-power, I can’t help but wonder if the brave women who fought for our rights and who continuously strive for gender equality had Princess Swagger in mind as the end result for all of their determination and dedication.

Little Sophia Grace Brownlee got the opportunity of a lifetime when she got to sing her own original song “Princess Swagger” on the Ellen Degeneres Show recently. in case you’ve been living under a rock, Sophia Grace and her little cousin Rosie have become overnight media sensations since their first appearance on Ellen last year. They were discovered on YouTube rapping to Nicki Minaj’s song, Super Bass. The next thing you know, they’re on Ellen singing “Boom badoom boom boom badoom boom bass” WITH Nicki Minaj! Ever since that moment, those little girls have been on a whirlwind of guest appearances on the Red Carpet for the AMA’s, the Grammy’s and were the guests of honor at Disneyland!

It’s been fun to watch the excitement of Sophia Grace as she screams at the top of her lungs with every new gift Ellen has bestowed upon them; tiaras, tutus and shopping extravaganzas - and to watch little Rosie sort of take it all in stride as she goes along for the ride of her life as Sophia’s sidekick. It’s pretty astounding when you think about what these two little girls have experienced thus far in their young lives; Sophia Grace is 8 years old and Rosie is six. The two of them have done more in a few months than most of us will get to experience in our entire lifetime!

But what concerns me most is how their lives will unfold expecting all this attention and more so how this has set up little girls all over the country wanting and dare I say expecting the same kind of royal treatment. Millions of pre-teen girls have their own YouTube channel, posting all kinds of videos, just hoping and praying that theirs too will go viral. Sophia recently squealed with excitement over the fact that the Paparazzi had been following them! We’ve seen how too-much-too-soon has effected other child stars like Lindsay Lohan. And yet, with all those train wreck examples of what not to do, why do we keep repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results?

Somehow all that girl power has morphed from empowerment to entitlement and in some cases exploitation. Disney took full advantage of these girls’ new found celebrity status and what would’ve cost them millions in on air advertising, got them free publicity for their theme park when every princess in the place acted as if the girls were the new queens in town! Negative media messaging and over-the-top examples of having it all, are setting our girls up for a lifetime of striving to get theirs; opportunities, fame, popularity, and lots and lots of stuff. When our self-worth is based on external looks, possessions, acknowledgement, attention, popularity, fame and celebrity, there will never be a point when any of it is enough. None of it is sustaining or deeply fulfilling and it keeps us in a precarious place of desperately trying to get more of what we want, or keep what we have.

Yesterday, Lady Gaga tweeted about her latest obsession with a new girl group called the OMG Girlz. Curious, I clicked on it and at first glance, thought they were adorable and their song “Gucci This (Gucci That)” was cute and catchy. Then it got me thinking that this is a perfect example of the culture of brands and labels and where we place our value. Don’t get me wrong, I love fashion and would like nothing more than a closet full of beautiful designer clothes. But I don’t need any of it to justify my self-worth either. How many young girls do you know who can afford a closet full of designer clothes? Who’s paying for all that stuff? Daddy’s little princess has morphed into Daddy’s biggest financial drain!

We have to teach our girls that their value and true power comes from within. We have to tell them that the only approval they should be seeking is their own self-acceptance by learning how to trust their own internal guidance and stop buying into society’s standards. We need to be role models who demonstrate what real leadership and girl power is all about by showing up in service with integrity and courage, daring to speak the truth, even when it’s not popular or when it goes against the so-called norm. That is where true confidence comes from and that to me is the only kind of swagger that can change the world.

Let’s face it, not all of us are going to get discovered or have the whole world cheering us on…

True empowerment is when we learn how to clap for ourselves!

Society… We Have a Problem Here

February 16, 2012 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Has our world gone totally and utterly mad? There has been much reaction to the reemergence of Chris Brown from woman beater to grammy-winning star, but probably the most shocking and frightening have been the tweets and posts from young women.

You can click on the link above to see all the responses, but here are a few:

Call me crazy butttt I would let Chris Brown beat me up anyyyy day

O.K. YOU’RE CRAZY!

Everyone shut up about Chris Brown being a woman beater… Shiiiittt he can beat me up all night if he wants

ARE YOU SHIIIITTTING ME?

I don’t know why Rhianna complained. Chris Brown could beat me anytime he wanted to.

SERIOUSLY? YOU DON’T KNOW WHY SHE COMPLAINED?

Attention Girls! Domestic violence is not hot… even if you think he is! Unfortunately these controversial and contrarian comments did exactly what these girls wanted them to do - get attention. Sadly our current culture seems to be hyper focused on becoming well known and famous and less and less concerned about becoming good and productive citizens.

One might argue that 25 comments does not exemplify nor speak for an entire society, but this sampling is but a microcosm of the whole and represents an undercurrent of skewed values and a cry for renewed attention to character development and morality. My good friend and colleague, Dr. Robyn Silverman is a Character Development Specialist and had this reaction “It amazes me in a horribly disturbing way that people would glorify domestic violence in their own head and then tweet about it. What a society we live in where celebrity, charisma and appearance take precedence over character, good sense, safety, and self worth.”

So where do we go from here? Hopefully we’ve hit bottom and there is nowhere to go but up! One thing is for certain, our children and young women especially need us now more than ever before. Girls need to be taught and guided to find their voice and authentic power within, to understand that love and self-esteem must begin with self-respect and be reminded of just how big of a role they play in our lives now, and in the future.

We need our girls to step up, and lead the world from a place of love, character and self-worth. The fate of our world is in their hands.

To say my fate is not tied to your fate is like saying: “Your end of the boat is sinking.” - Hugh Downs

We are all in this boat together. Please let allow me the opportunity to inspire your girls and to show them how to find their power and true essence within.

Ain’t It Shocking What… Drugs Can Do

February 13, 2012 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

100+ people die every day from drug overdoses who aren’t Whitney Houston. Yes, I am saddened by the loss of such a beautiful and talented woman. Yes, I was moved to tears by the comments and tribute to her at the Grammy’s this evening. And yes, her voice and songs inspired me and were such an integral part of the music of my generation. But no, I am not surprised at all and I can’t help but feel like here we go again. Another public, over-the-top spectacle over one person who lost their life due to addiction, when so many ordinary nobody’s lose their battle with drugs and alcohol every single day.

According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, CDC, in 2007, nearly 100 persons per day died of drug overdoses in the United States. In 2008, drug overdoses in the United States caused 36,450 deaths. What’s even more shocking is that overdose deaths involving opioid pain relievers (OPR), have increased and now exceed deaths involving heroin and cocaine combined. The epidemic of prescription drug overdoses in the United States has worsened over the last decade and according to the US Department of Health and Human Services, CDC, National Center for Health Statistics, by 2010, enough OPR were sold to medicate every American adult with a typical dose of 5 mg of hydrocodone every 4 hours for 1 month!

So what does Whitney Houston’s death and all these staggering statistics have to do with teen girls and self-esteem? In regards to the specific needs of adolescent girls, the use and abuse rates for adolescent girls are continuing to rise, while the rates for boys have witnessed a recent decline. Adolescent girls have higher rates of binge drinking, are introduced to substance use at an earlier age, and are physically and developmentally affected more by substance use and abuse than boys. In addition, there are a number of other major risk factors that predispose girls to substance use and abuse when compared to boys. These include:

—> Rates of co-occurring disorders such as depression, anxiety and panic attacks are higher in girls, and there is a clear correlation between depression and the development of substance use and abuse.
—> Trauma, abuse, and sexual related issues are primary factors leading to substance abuse in girls.
—> Girls tend to use drugs and alcohol to initiate and maintain intimate relationships and alcohol is often a gateway in dating and acceptance.
—> Self-consciousness and validation are prominent with girls and body image issues and eating disorders develop aggressively in adolescence. Adolescent girls tend to initially use alcohol, tobacco, and drugs to suppress appetite and manage their weight.

As a coach and on a more personal level, I see more and more girls suffering from acute anxiety ranging from hair pulling and self-harm to eating disorders and full blown panic attacks. There is so much pressure on girls today to be “all that” and once girls are at the college level, there’s an assumption that they should have it all together and figured out by then, which only prompts more self-medication to try and fit in.

With more and more doctors writing prescriptions, “now the burden of dangerous drugs is being created more by a few irresponsible doctors than by drug pushers on street corners” said CDC chief Thomas Frieden. According to a prominent Boston physician in the recovery field and whom shall remain anonymous as he is also a member of a 12 step recovery program, said that once these kids are hooked on illegal prescription drugs, it is one of the hardest addictions to break.

Just last year, a 25 year old girl named Meghan, who had gone to high school with my son and who i tried to help get clean and sober, hung herself from a tree in her mother’s backyard. She just could not get off the drugs.

Perhaps instead of spending the next few days giving all our attention to the shows, tweets, facebook comments, memorials and tributes to a fallen star, we might shift our focus and see this as a giant wake up call. Maybe all those larger-than-life personalities like Whitney, Amy Winehouse, Michael Jackson, Heath Ledger were all chosen by God to get our attention. Because somehow we’re not paying enough attention to those like Meghan.

The other day Elle Febbo, author and creator of the Make it Matter program said to me, “Kathleen, your work matters. You’re not just changing lives… you’re saving lives.” I am humbled by this comment and I pray that God continues to use me to help more girls to build their self-esteem and find their light, truth and power within. If Whitney Houston’s death is our wake-up call, I’m wide awake and ready to serve.

Rest in peace, Whitney & Meghan

Facebook & Self-Esteem: LMS for The Truth

February 12, 2012 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

“Using Facebook can be bad for people with low self-esteem,” suggests a new study in the journal Psychological Science. Duh? Do we really need a research study to tell us that?

Canadian researchers found people with low self-esteem deluge their Facebook friends with negative details about their lives, which makes them less likeable. According to study author Amanda Forest, a graduate student at the University of Waterloo, in Ontario, “If you’re talking to somebody in person and you say something, you might get some indication that they don’t like it, that they’re sick of hearing your negativity,” But when people have a negative reaction to a post on Facebook, they tend to keep it to themselves.

Guilty. I have kept this one to myself for far too long. As a woman who has worked all her life to build her own self-esteem and has dedicated her work to inspiring and teaching teen girls and young women how to do the same, I have had to admit there have been so many times that I’ve wanted to cyber scream (aka POST IN ALL CAPS) some pretty negative reactions to the most current and irking posting trend from girls today….

LMS or Like My Status.

There are several variations on this cloying cry for attention;

lms for truth - which is kind of a virtual truth or dare (minus the dare) and anyone who hits the “like” button will get a truth from that poster on their page. It has taken every ounce of restraint for me not to comment. If I had this is what I would say: How ‘bout just being truthful all the time? or Does that mean the rest of the time you’re not telling the truth?

LMS and ill give you a compliment. ( : If you only knew how much people would really like you - the real you, if you stopped asking people to like you and actually gave sincere compliments out - without any expectation of what you’d get in return. We learned the Golden Rule in kindergarten and it still applies girls and always will.

lms - a confession for every like. Seriously? Once I actually had to block a girl as her twenty and counting confessions kept showing up in my newsfeed. I sent her a private message and asked her to reconsider what she was doing. Nobody needs or wants to know and this is the kind of thing that is between you and God and maybe a parent or closest friend.

10 likes, and ill say my top 5 bestfriends ♥ This one, by far is the most dangerous one of all and is a subtle form of relational aggression and even the little heart at the end cannot disguise the fact that this kind of post has the power to hurt anyone who didn’t make the cut.

There are so many incredible ways that Facebook has revolutionized the way we interact and communicate. As a social networking site, business deals are made and companies are branded. Families keep in touch across the miles and grandmothers in sunny Florida get to see up to the minute photos of their precious new-born grandbaby in Chicago. Long lost high school crushes are found 30 years later and the lines between cliques blur as we reunite with kids we graduated with, as we compare our lives from then to now.

But for girls today, Facebook can sometimes be a tough place to hang out as evidenced by these actual posts:

Facebook honestly makes everyone hate each other…...

I hate those people who can post a status about eating dinner and get 30 likes.

feelin ignored . . . #lonely

LMS for The Truth:

Here’s a helping hand to help you do Facebook right! My friend and colleague, Gail Hand speaks on smart social networking and came up with a way to give college students a “hand” in thinking before they post. Gail came up with the 5 W’s and I added the 6th - which when it comes to teen girls could be the most important one of all.

==> Who is going to see this? Trust me, your parents, your boss and even the cops have ways to see your page, even if you purposely block them. Don’t believe me? See for yourself how one dad teaches his daughter a lesson she’ll never forget when he found his daughter’s negative comments on her page! He wasn’t snooping, but stumbled upon her page after uploading a cute pic of their dog to the family dog’s Facebook page!! Apparently the girl forgot to block the dog!!

==> What are you trying to accomplish? Are you out to hurt someone by your post or are you trying to get people to like you? Either way, you’ll get back exactly what you put out there. If you’re not getting enough attention, it’s because you’re the one who isn’t paying enough attention to yourself. By checking in and asking yourself these questions before you post, you’re literally paying attention to yourself and you will get more of that back from others.

==> Where could this post end up? That teacher that you wrote about in confession 3: i hate my la teacher!!!!! (then goes on to say who that is in a subsequent comment) could be the one who decides on your scholarship to your dream college.

==> Why are you posting it? There is already too much noise online. Are you adding to the noise or do you have something important to say?

==> When could it come back to haunt you? All it takes is one person to hit “share” or repost what you said for something to go viral. The thing about online reputations is that once something is out there - it never goes away. Do you really want to lose your dream job interview because the employer saw a picture of you passed out on the front lawn of a party?

==> Would I say it to someone’s face? It’s so much easier to sit behind a screen and make negative comments on somebody’s post or status update when you’re not looking them in the eyes. But would you say it to their face? Nine out of ten the answer will be no.

So the lesson here is pause before you post… and while you’re at it… please LMS!!

Photoshop of Horrors - What You Can Do

December 29, 2011 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

This past fall, I was invited back for the 4th year in a row to speak to 1500 7th grade girls at the Young Women’s Leadership Conference in York, PA. After the event, I received a Facebook message from a girl named Makenna who had attended the conference.

Makenna wrote:

Hey Kathleen. I was at your York College conference. I’m writing a letter to Seventeen Magazine about how they photoshop their pictures and I was wondering if you had any pointers. Thanks.

Not only did I write back to Makenna telling her how proud I was of her for taking action, but I figured it would help more girls if I were to share my pointers in a blog post so that other girls can take action too.

Below is my initial response to Makenna, her first draft of the letter, followed by my suggestions and comments on the letter.

Kathleen’s response:

OMG!!! Bravo Makenna! My best pointer is to use lots of “I” statements so that you’re not blaming them, but encouraging them to make changes. If you say “you” it puts people on the defense and if you say “I” then people will listen without feeling threatened.

So I would start out with a compliment about their magazine… why you like it, what you’ve learned from it.

Then I would say why you’re writing to them and why you are passionate about the topic of no photoshopping or full disclosure when they do photoshop a picture. Tell them how these pictures make you feel and believe in unrealistic and unattainable beauty or how you think this damages girls’ self-esteem and body image.

Then maybe say how you think being real would help girls.

And then end with a giant thank you and say it as if you knew 100% that they were going to listen to you and make those changes.

Feel free to send me the letter before you send it and I’ll make some suggestions.

So proud of you Makenna!!! I think I’ll write a blog post about this so I can encourage other girls to take action.

love,
Kathleen

Makenna’s First Draft:

Dear Seventeen Magazine, 
I’m writing to express the feelings of myself, fellow readers and millions of girls around the world. I love your magazine but personally I have only one problem, the pictures. Though these pictures are beautiful they are also deceiving. Every day when girls see these pictures they see a flawless, beautiful model. They say to themselves, “Wow I wish I could look as pretty as she does”. That’s where the problem begins. When girls see these they realize they can’t look like that and feel depressed. How do I know this you ask? Earlier in my 7th grade year the girls went to a Young Women’s Leadership conference at York College. There Kathleen Hassan showed us a video of a typical girl. They took photos of her and with the use of a photo shopping program changed her entirely. From head to toe you would think it was a completely different person. Depression, anorexia and cutting are affects of this photo shopping. We need to put this to a stop. All I ask of you is for a small article in your magazine so I may get my message to girls everywhere and make a change. I may be just a small town 13 year old girl, but I want to make a difference. I need your help to make this dream come true.   
Your Reader,
 Makenna Peterson. 

Additional note from Makenna:

Demi Lovato lashed out on Disney Channel for making fun of anorexia on an episode of Shake It Up, maybe that might be a good point to put in there. So it will show it’s not something to joke about. 

Kathleen’s Comments & Suggestions:

OK Makenna - I’ve read through your article and thought about it quite a bit and here are my comments/suggestions/edits and thoughts…
Please take these as constructive rather than as criticism. I’m very proud of you for taking action and it’s a good start!

Your first line opens with “I’m writing to express the feelings of myself, fellow readers and millions of girls around the world.”

You can only speak for yourself unless you have done extensive research and have data to back up your claim of what millions of girls around the world are also thinking.

==> Write only from your perspective
==> If you want to include the opinions of others, use examples like the Demi Lovato story to back up your claim
==> Start a Facebook page and try to get other girls to “like” the page and make comments about whether or not they think magazines should tell their readers if a photo has been photoshopped - or eliminate photoshopping all together. (since the writing of the article, Makenna and I have created a Facebook page called Photoshop of Horrors: Just Say NO! “Like” this page so we can get millions of girls educated and empowered to stop altering images and the minds of young women!)

The next section: I love your magazine but personally I have only one problem, the pictures. Though these pictures are beautiful they are also deceiving. Every day when girls see these pictures they see a flawless, beautiful model. They say to themselves, “Wow I wish I could look as pretty as she does”. That’s where the problem begins. When girls see these they realize they can’t look like that and feel depressed.

I wouldn’t change a thing!

Next, I would eliminate “How do I know this you ask?” You’re making the assumption that they are asking and you don’t know that.

I might lead into the next section with something like “I never really gave this much thought before, but recently “me and the girls in my 7th grade class went to a Young Women’s Leadership conference at York College.

Next, you need to explain who Kathleen Hassan is so they know who you are talking about. There Kathleen Hassan, “the keynote speaker who is a life coach and teen empowerment specialist,” showed us a video of a typical girl. They took photos of her and with the use of a photo shopping program changed her entirely. From head to toe you would think it was a completely different person.

Your next statement, Depression, anorexia and cutting are affects of this photo shopping is powerful, but again you don’t have statistics or facts to back this claim up… so you may want to say “Depression, anorexia and cutting are just some of the effects that could come from the deception of photoshopping.”

Finally, in regards to the last section you wrote:

We need to put this to a stop. All I ask of you is for a small article in your magazine so I may get my message to girls everywhere and make a change. I may be just a small town 13 year old girl, but I want to make a difference. I need your help to make this dream come true.

They are not going to give you space to get your message out there because they depend on the money they get from advertisers who are selling the products on the pages of their magazines and those advertisers are the ones who are photoshopping the photos! But they may print your article as a “Letter to the Editor,” so perhaps reword the final paragraph and request like this: 

We need to put a stop to this. I may be just a small town, 13 year old girl, but I want to make a difference. As a loyal reader, I appreciate your Body Peace Treaty, but you need to take it a step further and either put an end to photoshopping or force advertisers to disclose the truth when a photo has been altered.

Here is a great website called Beauty Redefined that is dedicated to helping women recognize the brainwashing by the media and here is their Facebook Page.

Also, here is the video produced by the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty called Evolution which shows the complete transformation and alteration of a girl and looks nothing whatsoever like the real girl!

I’m so proud of you for taking action. Please let me know what next step you took so I can cheer you on!!

Thanks so much Makenna

The Media has become fixated on an unrealistic illusion of perfection… everything is retouched… from hair to boobs to whiter teeth! There are 12 alterations to this photo… can you spot them all?

Digital anorexia! Ralph Lauren was forced to issue a public apology after hiring an already thin size eight model, Filippa Hamilton, and digitally retouching their shots of her so that her head actually appeared significantly wider than her waist.

What do you think? Should magazines be required to inform their readers when photos have been digitally altered? Should we ban Photoshop all together?

Take Action Challenge: Make sure to “like” Makenna’s new Facebook Page: Photoshop of Horrors and add your name and voice to the discussion. You can make a difference!

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Being Different Can Be A Blessing - The True Story of Rudolph

December 24, 2011 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

A man named Bob May, depressed and brokenhearted, stared out his drafty apartment window into the chilling December night.

His 4-year-old daughter Barbara sat on his lap quietly sobbing. Bob’s wife, Evelyn, was dying of cancer Little Barbara couldn’t understand why her mommy could never come home. Barbara looked up into her dad’s eyes and asked, “Why isn’t Mommy just like everybody else’s Mommy?” Bob’s jaw tightened and his eyes welled with tears. Her question brought waves of grief, but also of anger. It had been the story of Bob’s life. Life always had to be different for Bob.

Small when he was a kid, Bob was often bullied by other boys. He was too little at the time to compete in sports. He was often called names he’d rather not remember. From childhood, Bob was different and never seemed to fit in. Bob did complete college, married his loving wife and was grateful to get his job as a copywriter at Montgomery Ward during the Great Depression. Then he was blessed with his little girl. But it was all short-lived. Evelyn’s bout with cancer stripped them of all their savings and now Bob and his daughter were forced to live in a two-room apartment in the Chicago slums. Evelyn died just days before Christmas in 1938.

Bob struggled to give hope to his child, for whom he couldn’t even afford to buy a Christmas gift. But if he couldn’t buy a gift, he was determined to make one - a storybook! Bob had created an animal character in his own mind and told the animal’s story to little Barbara to give her comfort and hope. Again and again Bob told the story, embellishing it more with each telling. Who was the character? What was the story all about? The story Bob May created was his own autobiography in fable form. The character he created was a misfit outcast like he was. The name of the character? A little reindeer named Rudolph, with a big shiny nose. Bob finished the book just in time to give it to his little girl on Christmas Day. But the story doesn’t end there.

The general manager of Montgomery Ward caught wind of the little storybook and offered Bob May a nominal fee to purchase the rights to print the book. Wards went on to print, Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer and distribute it to children visiting Santa Claus in their stores. By 1946 Wards had printed and distributed more than six million copies of Rudolph. That same year, a major publisher wanted to purchase the rights from Wards to print an updated version of the book.

In an unprecedented gesture of kindness, the CEO of Wards returned all rights back to Bob May. The book became a best seller. Many toy and marketing deals followed and Bob May, now remarried with a growing family, became wealthy from the story he created to comfort his grieving daughter. But the story doesn’t end there either.

Bob’s brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, made a song adaptation to Rudolph. Though the song was turned down by such popular vocalists as Bing Crosby and Dinah Shore, it was recorded by the singing cowboy, Gene Autry. Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer was released in 1949 and became a phenomenal success, selling more records than any other Christmas song, with the exception of White Christmas.

The gift of love that Bob May created for his daughter so long ago kept on returning back to bless him again and again. And Bob May learned the lesson, just like his dear friend Rudolph, that being different isn’t so bad. In fact, being different can be a blessing.

Happy Holidays! Celebrate who you are and give the world the gift of YOU!

** note ** I did not write this story, it was sent to me from a friend in an email and I just had to share it with you!

Stay Where You Are - So I Can Feel Safe

December 20, 2011 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

There’s a certain sense of security and camaraderie in the struggle of life. But what happens when someone decides to let go of the struggle and step into the joy and flow of life? Do people like you better when you play it safe and play the victim of circumstances?

When someone decides to step out of the role they’ve been playing and makes a bold move towards change, you’d think that everyone would stand up and cheer! But more often then not, people try to put you back where they think you belong so they can feel safe. Misery loves company is an expression that, although few of us would admit, really does make us feel a little bit better about our own lives if someone else is struggling right along with us.

The Mobile Effect

Imagine everyone in your family and all of your closest friends are all hanging on a mobile. No matter how functional or dysfunctional each individual or family unit may be, each person keeps the entire structure in balance. But when one dares to take themselves off the hook and opts for something different - even if that something different is fabulous - everyone feels the shift and the whole unit is off kilter and out of whack.

The good news is that everyone will eventually find a new sense of balance. The bad news is that the time in between can sometimes send the bold adventurer, who disrupted the status quo, clambering back into old patterns and habits of people pleasing while putting themselves back on the hook!

I recently made such a bold move in my own life and am living out my wildest dreams! I relocated my life and business to Naples, Florida and I’m having the time of my life. I’ve been amazed, but not surprised by some of the comments I’ve received from family and friends:
- you bitch!
- must be nice
- we get it - you’re happy
- I’m ignoring your posts on Facebook - they’re way too positive
- how come your life is so serene and I can barely get through the day?

Sometimes I’ve found myself holding back so I don’t come off as bragging. Then I remember the quote by Marianne Williamson from her book “A Return to Love,” Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. Then I remember that I’ve been here before and that this too shall pass. I’ve been on a healing and spiritual journey for the last 20 years and I’ve had a lot of practice in letting go and trusting the guidance of God. I know that following that inner guidance is what truly serves the world and I’m willing to step into the unknown and light the way for others.

If the opinions of others have kept you stuck where you are, if you’ve been dreaming about making a change in your life - be it a bold, life-altering move, or a tiny shift in your daily habits or routines, one of the best ways to step confidently in the direction of your dreams is to create a strong support system around you.

Create a Strong Support System

Here are a few ways to get the support you need to make your move and make your mark on the world:

- Start a Mastermind Group. Gather up 4-6 people who are all ready to step boldly in the direction of their dreams. Commit to meet regularly to brainstorm ideas, encourage and cheer each other on and hold each other accountable for action items.

- Find a Goal Buddy. Establish a partnership and commitment with one person who shares similar goals as you, such as - getting in shape, writing a book, quitting smoking, etc.

- Join a 12-Step Recovery Group. It’s not only alcoholics who work the 12 steps. There are recovery groups for over-eaters, over-spenders, gamblers, sex-addicts and co-dependents. Join a group, go to meetings, get a sponsor and work the 12 steps.

- Hire a Coach! A coach is like a personal trainer for the mind and will help you gain clarity and focus to direct your thoughts towards your goals and away from what you don’t want.

The Only One Who Likes Change is a Wet Baby!

Change doesn’t have to be as hard or scary. The right support around you - to hold your hand and cheer you on - will remind you that you are safe and powerful.

Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes!

Are you ready to take a baby step or a giant leap in the direction of your dreams? Maybe you’d like to…

=> start a business
=> find new love
=> get a new career (or a raise)
=> lose weight
=> get your child(ren) to behave better
=> or build your self-esteem & self-confidence

No matter what you’d like to change or achieve, the secrets to success are the same…

#1: Get clear. As specifically as possible, decide what you want. The more clear you are on what you want to have in your life, the more likely you are to achieve it.

#2: Get perspective. Most people don’t tell anyone what they want or what they are struggling with and because of that they don’t get an outside perspective.

#3: Get support. Very few people (if any) achieve anything great alone. Sports stars have teammates and coaches. Be willing to ask the people in your life to support you.

As my holiday gift to you, I am offering a substantial discount on a one hour Laser Coaching Session. Sessions typically cost $150, but by using the Discount Code GRACE during checkout, you’ll pay only $100—that’s a 33% savings! AND as an added bonus, if you decide to continue with ongoing monthly coaching, I will apply that $100 towards your first month of coaching!

In our coaching session we’ll work together to…  

=> Create a crystal clear vision for ‘ultimate success’ so you know exactly what you want, where you’re headed, and what you need to do to make it happen.
  => Uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging your ability to make changes that last or that are slowing down your progress  
=> Leave this session renewed, re-energized, and inspired to finally achieve the change you seek- once and for all 

If you’re ready to make 2012 your best year yet… click here to purchase your Laser Coaching Session NOW!

Happy Holidays & Here’s to becoming Your Very Best YOU!

I’m not bragging… but here’s what living your dreams looks and feels like!!!

Jess Weiner & The E.F. Hutton Effect: When You Talk Is Anyone Listening?

August 16, 2011 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

E. F. Hutton & Co. was a stock brokerage company founded in 1904 and was best known for its commercials in the 1970s and 1980s based on the phrase, “When E. F. Hutton talks, people listen.”

I’m sure every blogger can relate to the scene from the movie Julie & Julia when Julie, in the early stages of writing her blog asks “Is anyone listening?” Social media has changed the way we communicate and it sometimes feels like everyone is competing for air time - tweeting, posting and sharing our lives, thoughts, accomplishments and viewpoints with the world.

Last week, this played out in a big way when Jess Weiner’s article ran in Glamour Magazine. The title alone was provocative enough to cause quite a stir “Jess Weiner’s Weight Struggle: ‘Loving My Body Almost Killed Me,’” and the HAES (Health At Every Size), ED (Eating Disorders) and Positive Body Image Community all “weighed in” with comments, tweets, blog posts and status updates. Some were supportive and congratulatory on Jess’s courage, vulnerability and decision to put her health first, while others ripped her apart for the mixed message she was sending to a community that looked to her as a leader.

Although temped, I did not immediately add my voice to the mix. Instead, I sat back and observed what was happening and used that time to check my motives carefully. I realized that part of my initial reaction was - dare I admit it? Envy! There I said it. When Jess Weiner talks - people listen. You may not like what she had to say, but she has opened the door for amazing dialogue and for me, she created another giant opportunity to really turn within and pay attention to my own feelings and reactions. In other words - to listen to myself.

In my desire to be heard, to have a voice, to be acknowledged and recognized, I have come to understand that even if the whole world was waiting with baited breath to hear the next utterance that came out of my mouth - none of it - not one bit of it matters unless I take the time to truly listen to myself. As an advocate for healthy self-esteem and empowerment for teen girls and young women, I know I can’t give what I don’t have inside to offer. Like Abraham Lincoln acknowledged, “You can’t help the poor by becoming one of them,” likewise, I can’t help girls by acting like one or by relying on my old knee-jerk patterns of behavior.

It occurred to me, in watching the drama unfold in the blogosphere last week, that many of those who reacted and commented on the article, were also trying to be heard and vie for airtime with a well-placed link back to their own blogs. Ironically it’s this need to be heard, acknowledged and accepted that is at the root of many of our addictive behaviors and the greatest thing that could come out of all of this would be that we all begin to see that we are the ones who need to listen and approve of ourselves. Blaming Jess Weiner, or anyone else for that matter, is symptomatic of the lack of taking responsibility for our own lives. Whenever anyone is triggering something in me - it’s always me and my own thoughts that I need to look at.

I am in no way diminishing the seriousness of an eating disorder and as a woman in recovery, I know firsthand the challenges of healing from an addiction. But thankfully because of my recovery, I also know that whenever I am pointing the finger at anyone else, there are always three more pointing right back at me! It is only when I take full responsibility for my own thoughts and understand that I am the one who has created my own reality by the power of my thoughts - regardless of external circumstances - only then can I begin to transform and heal. Believing that one woman, by sharing her own experience has the power to damage an entire social movement is the epitome of giving away your own power.

In this new, ever-changing frontier of social media, where we get our sense of approval and acknowledgment from the “like” button, it is important to remember to hit the “like” button for ourselves. Now more than ever before, as our outreach becomes wider and the world becomes smaller due to our social networks, it is vital to turn within and take the time to listen to your own inner voice, guidance and truth. Otherwise, we are just adding more noise to an already very noisy world.

I personally want to thank Jess Weiner for providing me with a huge opportunity to pause, go within, check my motives and ask for guidance. This article was the result of that and came from a deep place inside of me. It may never reach the masses, but what is most important is that I took the time to listen to me - and that is recovery. I no longer need the whole world’s approval to feel good about me. I have also learned in my healing journey that whatever we resist persists and that what we push against just gets stronger. So today I am simply going to pray for those still suffering with any kind of addiction and for those still stuck in blaming others for how they feel. I have witnessed firsthand, and therefore will never doubt, the power of prayer, yet I also know that faith without works is dead. There is more work to be done - but it always begins within.

Let me be the first to “like” this! When Kathleen Hassan talks - I listen!

Wouldn’t It Be Cool: How to Effortlessly Manifest & Attract What You Want

July 27, 2011 by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

Six days a week, I set my alarm for the crack of dawn and attend a 7:00am meditation meeting. I’ve never been an early bird and yet this particular discipline that I have been developing and strengthening for the last six months or so has been nothing short of life-changing. Beginning my day grounded in silence, in union with other like-minded individuals, coming together to connect and improve our conscious contact with the God of our understanding sets the tone for the kind of day I want to have.

Every day when I come home from this gathering, I sit in my car and just observe the goings on in my yard. There is a chipmunk who sits on the wall in the exact same spot every morning, as if that is his little sacred space and the way he starts his day! Sometimes there are bunnies in the yard and always a variety of birds pecking away at the newly seeded grass my husband just planted!

The other day I pulled into my driveway and thought to myself Wouldn’t it be cool to see a mother deer with her baby deer. It was just a random thought, realizing that I hadn’t seen any deer in the yard yet this year. Last year I saw 5 or 6 of them quite frequently. I thought nothing more about it and just went on about my day.

At 2:30pm, I was on the phone with a coaching client. She was describing in detail her frustration about something that had not yet manifested in her life and I was doing my best to teach her about vibration and how the Universe answers us according to our dominant thoughts and vibrational offerings. In other words, if you’re focused on the fact that your desire has not shown up yet - that is what your thoughts create - more of the same results and you will continue to attract that same effect so long as you continue to focus on the lack of whatever it is that you’ve been wanting.

All of a sudden, I glanced out the window and there in my yard was a mother deer and her baby. I gasped and nearly fell off my chair and my poor client wasn’t sure what the heck was happening to me! I grabbed my camera and tried to capture this amazing moment, but only managed to snap a picture of the mother deer’s ass as she scampered off into the woods! Alas, I googled this shot and cannot take the credit for this (but swear it looked exactly the way I saw them in my yard!!)

God’s divine timing was absolute perfection. I could not have come up with a better example to explain the power of our thoughts had I searched every self-help book and googled every website for how this stuff works!

This is how it works!

Thoughts become things!! Like cell phone waves that magically and wirelessly transmit text messages to your phone - your thoughts create vibrations that get transmitted out into the Universe and that which is likened unto itself is drawn. However, our thoughts are filtered through our habits, beliefs and judgments about those thoughts. So even if you’re thinking about a particular goal and oftentimes to the point of obsessing over that wish, dream or desire, you are probably vibrating more towards the lack of it than you are the having of it.

The Universe is perfect and will deliver unto you exactly what you’re asking for - wanted or not! The reason that I am finally understanding this myself is because the more I quiet my mind with this daily practice of meditation, the more I align my thoughts with the energy of love, peace and the power of God, the more I effortlessly attract more of the same back to me! And that’s how it works - every single time - without exception.

The reason those deer showed up in my yard was because my thoughts and vibration held no ulterior motive or judgment about what it would mean to have a deer with her baby show up in my yard. I just thought it would be cool to see that and VOILA!! the Universe responded.

There is no level of complexity or difficulty for God or the Universe to deliver unto you whatever it is you desire - it is your belief or judgment about the difficulty or your worthiness about receiving it is what blocks the manifestation.

Lots of people struggle with the notion of doing God’s will and think that means that they will have to abandon their goals and dreams to live a life of indentured servitude. I have come to believe and intuitively know and trust that God’s will for me is pure joy. When I hold onto the belief that when I publish the book, make a million dollars, lose the weight… (fill in the blank with your own blah, blah, blah), then I’ll be happy - I am actually sending out a vibration of forever striving - and that is exactly what will keep showing up in my life. When I let go of how I think that joy is supposed to come to me and allow myself to be fully present in the moment - I am always surprised and joyful in how simple it is to co-create a life I love.

Take Action Challenge:

The next time you have a desire, try detaching from the outcome, stop obsessing about how you’re gonna get it and just focus on the joy it will bring you to have it. Try saying “Wouldn’t it be cool to…” and just get in the feel good feelings of how much fun it will be to see that in your life. That is the energy of everyday miracles and that is exactly how you effortlessly manifest the life of your dreams!

Posted in Law of Attraction | Personal Power | Spirituality | Trust |
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